I put my finger in a jar of maca cinnamon almond butter. ‘Open your mouth. Okay, the trick is to stick it as far back on your tongue as you can, then suck my finger for as long as you want.’ She parts her lips and reservedly sticks out her tongue. ‘More.’ She tries. I feed her my secrets. She listens in the dark until the wee hours of the morning. She reaches for me; her fingers find an air of familiarity. She screams ‘Sage! Is that you? You look just like you used to when you were a small boy. Do you remember when you use to curl up in a ball with your little head falling in-between my gorgeous Persian thighs? I’ve wasted away in your absence, so my thighs are no more, but I think I’m beginning to remember.’

‘Stop, talking. Suck. You’re supposed to be savoring the flavor’ I interrupt, as I stick two butter-coated fingers down her throat. ‘Don’t take this the wrong way, its not sexual. I don’t want you inside. Its just dinner and dessert, its just cashew marinara night, it wasn’t all for you. I always have candles lit. I always have frankincense and myrrh burning. I always have the universe projected on my ceiling. I always have fairy lights. I always have tea before sleeping that stimulates my sensual yearning. Don’t worry sugar butt, it’s only for my own wet cunt that I crave. I stick my finger back in the jar and find my own lips. 

She gets cheeky. Ahhh! Those fucking eyes! ‘I think I want to take it the wrong way’ she says, grabbing for the fingers that I still have in my mouth.

‘Hmm. Right and wrong is an illusion. I think you have no idea what separates the two. But if you’re trying to fuck, I think my body forgot what desire felt like until he met you. But I’m tired of being thought of. I think when it comes to being fucked; I’d rather it be a matter of knowing. And when it comes to the thought of you, I don’t want to be fucked again, I want to be owned. And if I were to truly belong to you babygirl, I’d think it’d be something you’d know. Not something you thought you knew.’

‘You know nothing’ she whispers, as she moves her body closer to mine. Her butt scoots clumsily on a forest green yoga mat. ‘You’re not supposed to slide on this thing, don’t worry. You’re not the only one getting stuck when you try to move. Don’t fear your idiotic tendencies. Don’t let the sight of them invoke shame. Don’t fear the might of your childlike nature. Let her scream at the sun and the moon and the stars, until she is absolutely certain that they all belong to her, that there are no other bodies on the earth but her own.’

‘You know nothing’ she says again, holding my gaze. Her eyes are every body of the water on this planet, and my body feels every ounce of its liquid composition when she looks into me. I feel nothing but water. I drink nothing but water.

‘Tea?’

‘Well, yes, of course. I always have tea. What are you craving, balance or intimacy? Be careful. I will take everything if you let me. Fucking me is a dangerous thing. Having me too close is a sacrifice I’m not willing to let you take. Love isn’t all rainbows and butterflies baby cakes. Sometimes it takes, nothing else. Sometimes you take a bigger bite than you could ever hope to swallow. But you swallow anyway. Sometimes she wraps all ten sticky beer coated fingers around your precious throat, forgets she’s choking. Sometimes she never lets go. What’s life without breathing? What’s death?’ I answer myself. She’s already exasperated. I don’t care! ‘I think death is when you and I do it all together, chase behind me this entire daylong. I think it is memory being fed time, instead of the other way around. I think it is a soul free of fear and living flesh free of toxic waste.’

‘You know nothing!’ She screams. ‘Tell me a story.’ 

‘Once upon a time God separated herself into seven billion bodies just for fun and put on the greatest play on the bluest stage just for shits and giggles. “Don’t play with the color red” she said in her serious voice, poking holes in her resounding might with intermittent giggles. “She’ll steal your story without even saying goodbye.” Then she was also a he. Then he said let me be the only light you see. Then he begged to be stolen. Then he tried to break free. Then he said “hi” for the very first time.’

‘Fuck your goodbyes and fuck your stories and fuck the God you claim to be. I have a girl inside of me, and red runs down the center of her majesty. I will bleed freely and I will worship the red you refuse to see. And when time gives way to all the things I have ever seen, I will remember everything. And I will bow down and become every color you choose to be.