Relationship expert and purpose alignment coach Colleen Coles joins Alexa and Amby for the 3rd installment in their month-long series on relationships and co-dependency. This time they dive into what co-dependency is and the different ways in which it can manifest.

In this episode Colleen mentions the co-dependency checklist, which you can find below:

Codependency Checklist (derived from Choice Making by Sharon W-Cruse)

• An inability to have spontaneous fun, an inability to let go. (“life is serious, and spontaneity cannot be trusted, because it means I’m not in full control.”)

• Problems with intimacy. (“Don’t trust… anyone, for that way lies betrayal and disappointment and pain.”)

• Inability to know what normal behavior is. (“The way I feel… I wonder if I’m crazy?”)

• An exaggerated need for the approval of others. (“I must please them, always please them. Then they’ll like me.”)

• Confusion about making decisions. (“I can’t decide-- it’s too complicated, I might make a wrong decision and it would destroy me!”)

• Anxiety about making changes. (“I don’t think I could handle it if I got that promotion… [or made the wrong choice].”)

• Black and White judgements. (“I don’t see any room for compromise. There are no shades of gray in this matter!”)

• Fear and denial of anger. (“Anger makes me feel like I might explode, and it frightens me because I don’t know what I might do-- but I get angry anyway.”)

• Lies and exaggeration, when it would be easy to tell the truth. (“I never lie. There’s nothing wrong. I’m not angry. I’m fine!)

• Fear of abandonment (“I couldn’t live without you!)

• Tendency to look for people to take care of. (“It’s wonderful to be needed by others.”)

• Need to control self and others. (“I can’t let my guard down-- life’s a serious business” Or, “I’ll show him -- I just won’t talk to him anymore!”)

• A feeling of overwhelming vulnerability based off other people’s feelings of you, or the emotional weight you carry of others.

Codependency flourishes when a family promotes learned helplessness, not feeling like you can speak up or share your opinion, strict rules or oppressive culture, a family secret, or when it was the culture to take care of others at the expense of your own well-being.

Obviously all of these in isolation can happen to all of us, and it’s when in combination they add up together that they are signs up codependent tendencies.

For more information on how to heal and transform these tendencies, visit www.colleencoles.com and register for her free training, “Everything You Need to Know Overcoming Codependency”

www.colleencoles.com

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