its so weird its 4 am right now and i just woke up . ok so, in this dream we're 15 again. august's eating us alive and no one's noticing. we spend the days sleeping on pillows stained with cheap wine and nights on our knees praying to made up gods.

im getting sick but idk what that means yet. mom dad have started to sleep separate bedsand my gums bleed every time i say family

how many times we have prayed love was enough to fix someone?

10th grade still lives in my bones and it hurts every time i walk. the summer of bubblegum flavoured lips and chapped hands. crying in your moms car and braiding your hair until it looks like a noose around your neck.

and the boys

always the boys

their swiss army knives dissecting pretty girls in parking lots then swallowing them whole. spitting the bones out to chew on later.

the summer a friend called me slut for the first time and i forgot how to breath for weeks

this is how i remember being young. sitting by the pool at night holding my breath. tiny spiders crawl up my legs to my hands and i close my fists and sit still.

mom says let go

i try to let go

i cant let go

idk how to let go

no one taught me to let go

how do i let go