#11 - The Secret to Communicating with your spouse in a failing marriage. 

 

Super communicator

 

There’s a technique for this—looping for understanding. Here’s how it works: Ask questions, to make sure you understand what someone has said. Repeat back, in your own words, what you heard. Ask if you got it right. Continue until everyone agrees we understand.

I know what you are thinking. I’m already pausing the game or closing the laptop. 

But….

Difficult conversations - suspicion you aren't listening 

We think we prove we are listening while she is speaking. 

 

Looping for understanding

 

1. Deep question

 

2. Repeat back in your own words what you heard then say. 

 

Not mimicking or mirror. This is to match

 

3. Ask if you got it right.

 

You are asking for permission to acknowledge that you were listening. 

 

Once she acknowledges you were listening that suspician goes away.