We all have needs. We all have different ways we want our partners to treat us. But sometimes, when we express our needs and wants, it comes out as biting or accusatory, even if we didn’t mean for it to. And instead of getting what we wanted, we are met with defensiveness, if not blame. We can’t control how others receive us, but we can always control how we express our needs to our partners. It falls to us to be open to learning how we can better identify our needs and properly communicate them.

In this episode, I discuss different ways we can express our needs and wants to our partners without blaming or criticizing them. I explain why it’s important for us to know our own needs and explore why some people feel guilt or shame from having them. I also describe how we can use nonviolent communication as a tool to foster a conversation around our emotions and desires, as well as illustrate how we can encourage our partners to express their own needs.

 

“You have a responsibility to yourself and to your partner to be clear about your needs because you are an expert on what you want and what you need.” - Pripo Teplitsky

 

This week on Relationships! Let’s Talk About It:

• The difference between expressing a positive need and a negative need
• Expressing needs to make them positive and why negative needs come from a victim mindset
• The value of identifying your needs and how our emotions derive from our needs
• Why some people feel guilt or shame over having needs and wants
• Playing with the difference between needs, wants, and preferences
• The principle of nonviolent communication and its relationship with unmet needs
• How to communicate more consciously to express your needs and wants
• Identifying and requesting specific behaviors and actions for a specific need to be met
• Differentiating an expression of need from criticism
• Why we shouldn’t expect our partners to know what our needs are
• Expressing your needs as a form of self-care and how to encourage your partner to express theirs more
• Understanding your partner’s uniqueness and quirks and being open to them
• The importance of boundaries in getting needs met in a healthy relationship
• Why the phrase “You make me feel...” is disempowering and how to take responsibility for your emotions
• Inviting curiosity into your inner feelings and opening the path to self-discovery

 

Related Content: 

• Conscious Dating
• “It’s Not Fair”
• Setting Boundaries Without Feeling Guilt

 

Let’s Talk About It!

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Theme music “These Streets” provided by Adi the Monk