For this episode, Sam Obaseki and Henry Hill joined me to discuss El Clasico and a Spanish title race which has suddenly become interesting, before a more disorganised chat about the Champions League, where Sam was blinded by his love of the Worst Club in London and predicted that Chelsea will win the whole thing. Then we staged a dramatic reading of Jose Mourinho and Ole Gunnar Solskjaer's weird exchange about when they would and would not feed their children. It's been an odd week.

Mike Atkins wrote the title for this week's episode and I couldn't improve on it.