Reinventure Me

117 The busy guy’s guide to being a better dad (with guest Jay Payleitner)

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Well, Father’s Day is coming up and we’ve got the busy guy’s guide to being a better dad. In this episode, we talk with best-selling author and fatherhood advocate Jay Payleitner.

This week’s Inspire Me quote is from Psalm 127:3–4:

“Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior’s hands. How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them!”

In this episode, Leary and Armin talk with Jay Payleitner about his life, his reinventions, his journey to becoming a father advocate, and some of the challenges he frequently hears from other dads.

Jay is one of the top freelance producers for Christian radio, having produced shows like Josh McDowell Radio, Today’s Father, Jesus Freaks Radio, and Project Angel Tree with Chuck Colson. He is the author of more than 20 books, including bestselling 52 Things Kids Need from a Dad, What If God Wrote Your Bucket List? and 52 Ways to Connect as a Couple. Jay is a nationally-known speaker for Iron Sharpens Iron and the National Center for Fathering. Jay and his wife Rita have five kids and four grandkids and have loved on 10 foster babies.

One of Jay’s suggestions for being a better dad? Make small, intentional memories with your kids—turn what would otherwise be ordinary and mundane moments into a magical ones. He shares a vivid example and several other valuable suggestions and reminders.

Quotes from the show:

  • “Throw yourself into [fathering].” —Jay
  • “If you try to balance work and family—impossible. But if you give yourself 100% to all of those, looking for the small moments, it’s the great verse from Psalm 127: ‘Children are a burden from the Lord.’ No! ‘Children are a gift from the Lord’—they are a reward from Him.” —Jay
  • “Are your kids—when they first see you and say goodbye to you—are they drawn to you or walking away from you?” —Jay
  • “The best you can do there is to say, ‘What am I doing to maintain the bridge and maintain the positive conversation [with my teenagers]?'” —Leary
  • “Your best resource is hanging out with your wife and asking, ‘Hey, how am I doing as a dad?'” —Jay
  • “Our job as dads is to open doors for our kids—let them try stuff—[…]they’ll discover things about themselves. […]And don’t stress out if they don’t try stuff.” —Jay
  • “Follow your instincts. What do you want to do? That kid is crying? […] You pick up the crying baby. If that baby is crying, [he/she] is crying for a reason.” —Jay
  • “If lack of skin-to-skin contact leads to Failure to Thrive [Syndrome], then […] lots of skin-to-skin contact leads to thriving.” —Jay
  • “[Like an archer shooting an arrow,] pull them close to your heart, then you let them go.” —Jay

    • This week’s Challenge Me:

    Kiss your wife in the kitchen. Say something good about your children’s mom in front of your child(ren).

    Comments or questions for Jay, Leary, or Armin? Be sure to share them in the comments section below.

    Resources mentioned in or related to this podcast episode:

    • Jay Payleitner’s website.
    • Jay Payleitner’s book, 52 Things Kids Need from a Dad.
    • Jay Payleitner’s book, What If God Wrote Your Bucket List?
    • Jay Payleitner’s book, 52 Ways to Connect as a Couple.
    • Jay Payleitner’s book, The Dad Book.
    • Walter Trobisch’s book, The Misunderstood Man: Why Men Suffer & What Can Be Done About It.
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