If appreciation is the number one relationship booster, what is the biggest thing that can undermine a relationship? The answer: contempt - that pattern of feelings and behaviors that expresses disgust and scorn towards a person or a group of people, ultimately dehumanizing them. The severity of contempt's impact on people can make it seem like it's easy to recognize; yet, contempt enters relationships as subtle as poison administered in careful, incremental drops.

In this episode, I discuss how contempt can usher a relationship to its failure. I share John Gottman's definition of contempt and describe what causes it to sneak into intimate relationships. I highlight some behaviors that cultivate the seeds of contempt and explain why it's so difficult to resolve. I also reveal how we can heal and reverse contempt in relationships and discuss how kindness and compassion can be antithetical to contempt.

"Contempt is a deep, slow poison in relationships. It goes for the kill by attacking a person's sense of self." - Pripo Teplitsky

This week on Relationships! Let's Talk About It:

• The contagious nature of contempt and how it sneaks into intimate relationships
• Contempt in inter-personal relationships and how it bred the Holocaust
• How contempt makes partners seem more like opponents than a couple
• Examples of contemptuous remarks and body languages
• Contemptuous communication in social media and how it hinders productive dialog
• John Gottman's "bid for connection" and how ignoring your partner's efforts can undermine a relationship
• Withdrawing as a response to contempt and how neediness can lead to stonewalling
• The power dynamics of contempt in a relationship
• What makes patterns of contempt challenging to detect and reverse
• The importance of building an environment of admiration, kindness, respect, and empathy
• Recognizing the mask of contempt and what it conceals
• Why apathy, not hate, is the opposite of love
• The relationship between contempt and substance abuse
• Contempt as a means to avoid vulnerability
• The contagious nature of compassion and how it can heal our relationships

Resources Mentioned:

• How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It by Patricia Love and Steven Stosny
• Love and Contempt: It's so easy to go from one to the other - Psychology Today

Related Content:

• The #1 Relationship Booster
• Stonewalling: The Silent Treatment that Blocks Communication

Let's Talk About It!

Thanks for tuning into this week's episode of Relationships! Let's Talk About It - the show to help you forge deeper, more meaningful connections and relationships with those around you. If you enjoyed this week's episode, please head over to Apple Podcasts, subscribe to the show, and leave us a rating and review.

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Theme music "These Streets" provided by Adi the Monk