Dealing with our own anger habits in a healthy and productive way can be challenging in itself, but what can often be even more difficult is learning how to deal with receiving someone else’s anger in a way that doesn’t turn into a conflict or inspire feelings of resentment. If we leave ourselves unchecked, it can be easy to ‘feed off’ of someone else’s anger. Keeping ourselves grounded when receiving someone’s anger is critical to defuse the situation, but how do you do that? Addiction counselor, trauma specialist, and co-founder of Still Point Wellness, Corey Costanzo, suggests it starts with self-regulation

In today’s episode, Corey and I discuss the varying degrees of anger - both giving and receiving it. We discuss how some anger is considered healthy and how we can determine when someone’s anger becomes unhealthy and abusive. We explore ways couples can help their partners defuse their anger. We discuss how my wife, Rainbow, helps me self-regulate my angry feelings by allowing me to vent. We highlight the strategies we use to keep ourselves grounded when we’re on the receiving end of someone’s anger, such as breathing deeply and validating the other person’s point of view. We discuss the importance of setting boundaries when receiving someone’s anger, some of the phrases that can often trigger a person’s anger, such as“calm down,” “just deal with it,” and “ you’re making too big of a deal out of this.” We also share alternative phrases you can use to help defuse an angry situation and Corey shares how his wife, Robin, helped him snap out of an ‘anger fog’ through empathy, understanding, and love.

 

“It’s the validation of an angry person’s anger that is most likely going to defuse the anger and lead towards greater connection and understanding.”  - Corey Costanzo

 

This week on Relationships! Let’s Talk About It:

• Understanding the difference between ‘healthy anger’ and ‘unhealthy anger’ and why it’s critical to recognize the boundary line between them
• How mirroring strategies and allowing your partner to express their anger without interruption can help them self-regulate their behaviors
• How our childhood experiences with anger Impact the way we deal with other people’s anger in adulthood
• Using deep breathing techniques to keep yourself grounded while receiving someone’s anger
• Setting healthy boundaries when someone’s anger crosses the line
• Identifying and addressing emotionally, psychologically, and verbally abusive behaviors
• Working with your partner to set healthy boundaries, agreements, and commitments for dealing with each other’s anger
• Phrases that can often fuel a person’s anger and what you can say instead to help defuse the situation
• How validating your partner’s feelings and experiences can help them feel less threatened
• How Robin snapped Corey out of an ‘anger fog’ by expressing her concern for his health and wellbeing
• Using the practice of witnessing your partner’s anger when it’s directed at an object
• Retraining your mind and body to respond to anger in a healthier way through visualization techniques
• Preparing ourselves for conflicts in our relationships

 

Resources Mentioned:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
• The Right Use of Power: The Heart of Ethics by Cedar Barstow

 

Related Content:

• The Anger Habit

 

Connect with Corey Costanzo:

• Still Point Wellness
• Still Point Wellness on Facebook
• Still Point Wellness on Pinterest
• Still Point Wellness on Instagram
• Corey Costanzo on LinkedIn

 

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Schedule your first appointment by visiting www.StillPointWell.com or call (828) 348-5372.

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Let’s Talk About It!

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Theme music “These Streets” provided by Adi the Monk