MBT EN – Understanding Mentalization-Based Treatment

#14: MBT 1 on 1 Therapy > Between Adapting and Staying True to Yourself


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🎙️ Special Episode – “Between Adapting and Staying True to Yourself”


Welcome to this special episode of the MBT podcast.

In this episode, you are once again given a unique insight into a one-on-one therapy session — a place where thoughts, feelings, and patterns become visible as they emerge in everyday life.


What happens in this session is recognizable for many people: tension that builds through work, family, relationships, and expectations. But beneath these practical situations lies something deeper — the search for staying true to yourself while the world around you asks something different of you.


Today, we listen to a conversation in which it becomes visible how old patterns, insecurity, and the need to do things right come together with a growing awareness: what do I actually need?



🧠 What is central in this episode


Loss of control and tension


When situations do not go as expected, this can immediately trigger tension.

The feeling of losing control touches deeper layers: insecurity, perfectionism, and the need to do things right.


The pressure of expectations


In work, family, and relationships, a pattern can develop in which expectations — from yourself and from others — become heavy.

The question becomes: am I doing this well enough? And for whom am I actually doing it?


The role of the other versus yourself


An important theme in this episode is the shift in focus:

from constantly attuning to others to learning to recognize your own needs.

Where is the boundary between being involved and losing yourself?


The feeling of not mattering


When feelings are not seen or acknowledged, an old, deep feeling can be triggered:

I do not matter.

This moment is vulnerable, but also essential to recognize and reflect on.


The transformation toward self-care


Gradually, a movement toward yourself begins to emerge:

taking space, setting boundaries, and acknowledging what you need.

Not by shutting yourself off, but by staying consciously present with what you feel.


The reaction of the environment


Change within yourself often evokes something in the people around you.

When you stop adapting, it can create confusion, resistance, or insecurity in others.

This makes the process not only personal, but also relationally complex.



🌟 The common thread


The common thread in this episode is the tension between adapting and staying true to yourself.


Long-established patterns pull you back toward what feels safe: taking others into account, placing yourself in the background.

But at the same time, there is a growing awareness that true calm and stability only arise when you also make space for yourself.


Mentalizing helps with this:

not reacting immediately, but pausing to reflect on what is happening — within yourself and within the other.



💬 Closing


This episode shows how complex and at the same time valuable personal change is.

It is not a straight line, but a process of searching, feeling, doubting, and choosing again.


Sometimes growth is not found in big steps,

but in the moment when you say:


“This is what I feel… and that is allowed to be there.”

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MBT EN – Understanding Mentalization-Based TreatmentBy Jasper Manders