By the time you read this, it will be summer.

The solstice will have occurred, one of the two times each year the sun seems to stand still in the sky for a moment before continuing its orbital motion.

Target™, in its trademark spirit of nearly intolerable seasonal anticipation, having been outfitted with inflatable beachballs since late March, will today begin shifting its display towards “Back to School” (if not Halloween).

There will not be a “warm” day again until autumn… days will either be “really hot”, “kind of hot” or “not as hot as yesterday”.

As it is now summertime, I have instantly gained five pounds.

Being originally from the Midwest, my personal physics do not recognize the need for a svelte summer shape. I hail from the center of the continent, far from the oceans, where “beach bodies” are entirely unnecessary.

There is no midwestern equivalent to a “beach body” – there is not a “lake body” or “pool body” (unless you're the first detective on the scene in a television show).

As midwestern summers were always very hot, I tended to move less frequently than during the school year. I also drank more soda, because I was “on vacation” at home, without the luxury of public school air conditioning, and it was important that I remain hydrated. Thus, I actually could gain weight during the summer months. When I was old enough, I got a summer job dancing at the amusement park, which should have helped exercise-wise but was still troublesome due to the theatre’s generous breaks between showtimes and proximity to a Haagen-Daz ice cream cart.

If I do need to remove a t-shirt for any reason during the next 90 days, I will, like everyone else, gird my abdominal muscles continually to fashion a physique I have titled “The 1 Pack”. I will then endure the searing pain of my cramped yet presentable midriff until I can get into the water or back in the car or behind a significant tree, to once again breathe freely.

1958: The Jamies, a sister and brother band from Boston, release what would be their biggest hit,

“It’s summertime, summertime, sum, sum, summertime…”

For the late 1950’s, the lyrics are rebellious, flippant, daring. The song is a madrigal that doesn’t suspect it is secretly a punk anthem, an early precursor to Pink Floyd’s “The Wall” or Alice Cooper’s “School’s Out” that became synonymous with the season, played on every AM station on the first day of summer for decades.

I cannot help but sing it myself every year. It is a summer Christmas carol.

Summer is now in full effect.

People are in mall parking lots, pausing after they open the doors to their car in order to “let the heat out”. Refrigerator doors are also being held open a few seconds longer, as owners languish in the sudden wave of delicious coolness. Coffee now requires a straw.

Days are long, nights are short, movies are blockbustery, and we forgot sunscreen again! We’ll have to pick some up at the drugstore on the way.

Suddenly, a Big Gulp™ seems like a perfectly logical amount of potable liquid. It’s sum sum summertime.

Summertime, Summertime

Song by Thomas Earl Jameson

It's summertime, summertime, sum-sum-summertimeSummertime, summertime, sum-sum-summertimeSummertime, summertime, sum-sum-summertimeSummertime, summertime, sum-sum-summertimeSummertime

Well, shut them books and throw 'em awayAnd say goodbye to dull school daysLook alive and change your waysIt's summertime

Well, no more studying historyAnd no more reading geographyAnd no more dull geometryBecause it's summertime

It's time to head straight for them hillsIt's time to live and have some thrillsCome along and have a ballA regular free-for-all

Well, are you comin' or are you ain't?You slow pokes are my one complaintHurry up before I faintIt's summertime

Well, I'm so happy that I could flipOh, how I'd love to take a tripI'm sorry, teacher, but zip your lipBecause it's summertime

It's time to head straight for them hillsIt's time to live and have some thrillsCome along and have a ballA regular free-for-all

Well, we'll go swimmin' every dayNo time to work, just time to playIf your folks complain, just say"It's summertime"

And every night, we'll have a dance'Cause what's a vacation without romance?Oh, man, this jive gets me in a tranceBecause it's summertime

It's time to head straight for them hillsIt's time to live and have some thrills

Come along and have a ballA regular free-for-allIt's summertimeIt's summertime, summertime, sum-sum-summertimeSummertime.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lowerblackpain.substack.com