April 21, 2020—The more creative I get, the more horrible and persistent my demons become. But last night, I found a secret weapon. It’s my mom.

When I close my eyes at night, I see horrible things. It’s a side-effect of creativity. The more I push my limits, the better my work gets—and the worse my demons become. They’re not so much terrifying as grotesque.

Body parts all mixed up. Turtles swimming out of UFOs. Men with gears in their eyes. Inflatable babies operated by women wearing snorkels. Thieves who sing “darling, your head’s not small.” Deer sleeping in hotel beds.

Last night I watched a Stormtrooper fuck a carrot.

How?! How does that even work?

In one of his comedy specials, Doug Stanhope calls this “the carousel of horrors.” The idea is that creativity becomes anxiety when it has a blank canvas (aka closing your eyes).

Most nights, my strategy has been to tire myself out with a good book and ride out the storm before falling asleep, but yesterday I discovered something that works even better…my mom.

Whenever I go on a creative tangent, her brain switches off. She’s “listening” but not hearing what I say.

Me: “So, I had this idea for a productivity system that uses magnetic paper!”

Last night, I accidentally used the same tone of voice with my demons and it was like putting the TV on mute—they were present but silent.

Demons: “Graahh! Prisms, boulders, being eaten alive by spider squid!

Sometimes mother does know best (even when it comes to spider squid).