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The word for today is permission. Dr. John Gottman, in his book The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work, outlines what he calls the Four Horsemen of marital conflict. They are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling, and they’re most common in relationships where trust is thin. One of the best ways to destroy trust is by keeping your partner in the dark in decision-making. I know the cool phrase is, “Ask forgiveness, not permission,” but I’ve found that’s a pretty terrible approach to marriage. It may work in relationships that can be burned to “move fast and break things.” However, in your long term relationships, I recommend that you focus on respecting the other person’s input and choose to seek permission first.

Today’s concrete challenge is to make a short list of three conversation topics for your partner. Ask them to do the same. Collaborate on any decision-making so that you both can feel good about the future, while maintaining trust in your relationship.

If you want to commit, say the following phrase: “I will ask permission, not forgiveness.”

I’ll keep the music playing while you get it done, and don’t miss the soundtrack at the end of this episode.

Before you go, repeat the following soundtrack, “I am the kind of person who works to enhance my relationships.”

Let me know if this made a difference in your day by leaving a comment in your podcast app or at concrete.win/today.

Check back tomorrow for a new challenge. Until then.

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