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16. Shame Is The Engine That Drives Addictions
Shame Is The Engine - Page 39 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
Download the eBook here for $5
Traditional psychoanalytic theory focuses directly or indirectly on the object of addiction: alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, work or relationships. Healing comes when it is realised that it is not so much the object of addiction that is paramount, but the process that permits the attachment to develop. Shame-based syndromes are usually at the root of this process. They begin in childhood when "normal" development is interrupted and becomes twisted or pathological.
The trigger can be sexual or physical abuse or another broadscale trauma. Often it is more discreet, such as when a parent is detached and not providing assurance to the child that he or she is loved, respected, cared for and appreciated. The child may sense that they are not worthy or significant in the family and therefore insignificant in the scheme of life. They may grow with the self-perception that they are damaged.
Some become co-dependent or seek endlessly to please someone else in an effort to appear "significant". This people-pleasing may become especially evident in the workplace. These people are desperate to be seen as "good workers". In reality, they are unwittingly being driven by two key aspects of what is known as "disgrace shame": self-blame and self-criticism. Their hidden critic whispers: "I should have always mastered everything". As their pain deepens, they live in a state of "dis-ease". They stumble into friendships and relationships, and test activities and boundaries at random. Some of these pursuits will be satisfied in a season, only to be replaced by others that are more problematic, such as the desire to oppose authority (oppositional personality disorder) or to take up smoking, drugs, alcohol, gambling, antisocial and unsafe sexual behaviours or violence.
Addiction reduces pain, temporarily making deep-seated, negative feelings bearable; but it reproduces shame and constantly reactivates the shame cycle. Anything can become addictive, yet shame and guilt are different. Guilt involves self-judgments about specific acts. Shame involves a generalised concept of a negative self. Shame, along with distress, is the source of depression.
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By Trevor & Annie BoultonShame Is The Engine - Page 39 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
Download the eBook here for $5
Traditional psychoanalytic theory focuses directly or indirectly on the object of addiction: alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, work or relationships. Healing comes when it is realised that it is not so much the object of addiction that is paramount, but the process that permits the attachment to develop. Shame-based syndromes are usually at the root of this process. They begin in childhood when "normal" development is interrupted and becomes twisted or pathological.
The trigger can be sexual or physical abuse or another broadscale trauma. Often it is more discreet, such as when a parent is detached and not providing assurance to the child that he or she is loved, respected, cared for and appreciated. The child may sense that they are not worthy or significant in the family and therefore insignificant in the scheme of life. They may grow with the self-perception that they are damaged.
Some become co-dependent or seek endlessly to please someone else in an effort to appear "significant". This people-pleasing may become especially evident in the workplace. These people are desperate to be seen as "good workers". In reality, they are unwittingly being driven by two key aspects of what is known as "disgrace shame": self-blame and self-criticism. Their hidden critic whispers: "I should have always mastered everything". As their pain deepens, they live in a state of "dis-ease". They stumble into friendships and relationships, and test activities and boundaries at random. Some of these pursuits will be satisfied in a season, only to be replaced by others that are more problematic, such as the desire to oppose authority (oppositional personality disorder) or to take up smoking, drugs, alcohol, gambling, antisocial and unsafe sexual behaviours or violence.
Addiction reduces pain, temporarily making deep-seated, negative feelings bearable; but it reproduces shame and constantly reactivates the shame cycle. Anything can become addictive, yet shame and guilt are different. Guilt involves self-judgments about specific acts. Shame involves a generalised concept of a negative self. Shame, along with distress, is the source of depression.