The Filipino American Woman Project

168: "My worth doesn't come from being needed." — By Someone Learning to Love Differently


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If you could reflect on one thing:

Have you ever mistaken intensity for love?

This letter is for anyone who’s clung to the fantasy of a love that burns, only to be left scorched.

Through raw storytelling and self-reflection, the writer revisits her past as a hopeless romantic, tracing how codependency, loneliness, and a savior complex once shaped her understanding of love. But now, she chooses differently.

With hard-won clarity, she offers us a new metaphor: wildfires versus campfires. Where love once meant chaos and sacrifice, she now finds safety in warmth, reciprocity, and steady companionship.

If you’ve ever been addicted to emotional highs, drawn to people who need saving, or felt ashamed to admit that healthy love feels “boring” after a lifetime of drama, this letter is for you.



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