Revealing Shame Starts The Healing - Page 43 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'

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Facing The Pain

We have learnt to cope by suppressing our emotions and our pain. The healing of shame happens as we learn to appropriately express our feelings and problems. We admit to ourselves, "I have a problem". We become aware of what we do to cope. We talk to another person about it, a counsellor or a safe and trusted friend, in a safe place where we can be honest with ourselves and the other person. This person will listen to us and help us recognise, observe and share our emotions. We realise that feelings do not always require a response. Feelings are not always trustworthy. They will pass and we can let them go. We can grow, live responsibly and have self-worth. We can forgive and be forgiven.

Guilt and shame is the way we are built to respond to 'wrong doing'. We all have a conscience: something inside that tells us right from wrong. Sometimes wrong is done to us, other times we do wrong and sometimes stuff just happens, but guilt and shame are emotions that we must look at to discover how to heal and live a whole life. What we do with them is what is important. All emotion is healthy when it is directed appropriately.

We biologically grow closer when we come together to achieve, to get something done and to share our hardships. Trust begins to emerge when we have a sense that another person is driven by things other than their own self-gain. With trust comes a sense of value: real value for who we are.