"She may be manipulative, but she is self-aware"

In which we discuss toxic relationships and our own faults. In this budget therapy session, we learned that it's okay to make mistakes as long as you learn and don't continue to be a dick. 

Don't you know that you're toxic? (Violins)

We might all be toxic. At least a little bit. We're human, and toxic behavior is somewhat unavoidable. But when does toxicity become abusive?

Lucy wanted to talk about this because she's been in some toxic relationships, but she also knows that there are behaviors that everyone is susceptible to perpetrating.

Even in friendships it's something you have to work on and keep and eye out for. Lucy in particular has been made aware of how toxic habits need to be addressed--especially with friends that you also happen to live with.

But What Is Toxic?

Gina wonders if toxic is something--a behavior--that starts out small but accumulates until it is destructive. Kelly wonders if it isn't necessarily cumulative, but can also be something that exists at the same level for a long time.

Sissel said fuck all this theorizing, lets do some research! She found a lovely article written by John Kim for Psychology Today called 5 Signs of a Toxic Relationship. Honestly it's a good read, and John Kim is apparently very well versed in the subject, particularly Toxic Masculinity! He even has a couple podcasts, books, and other articles about it! Peruse Sissel's googling!

The basic jist of the article is that toxic things are a feature of an abusive relationship, but they are also a feature of a non-abusive relationship. Sissel thinks that this means, Gina is sort of right, in that when the toxic behaviors become too many too frequent that is when it becomes abusive.

Hannah really wants to know: How do you counteract the toxicity in a relationship? Well, for starters, here are some behaviors you might want to avoid:

* Subtle Character Assassination* Control Without Knowing It* Jealous Passive-Aggressive Behavior* Never Taking Ownership* Negativity For Too Long

Subtle character assassination is so commonplace in our culture, since teasing someone is often a standard part of flirting, but it's so easy to take it too far.

Yeah, we do all that shit.

We discuss how difficult it can be to recognize these behaviors in ourselves. Not to mention where those behaviors are coming from. Our well-educated medical opinion is that all toxic behaviors stem from insecurity. In fact, Kelly is really John Kim LMFT, writer for Psychology Today, so you know this is legit.

Sissel and Hannah reveal they are both likely to perpetuate "Control without knowing it" in their attempts to love too tightly. Hannah is also extremely Passive-Aggressive. Sissel used to be "negativity for too long" but therapy, time, and a lack of depression have really helped.

Maisie says she does all of these things! Supes healthy!

Lucy and Sissel's pet peeve is people who don't take ownership. Sissel especially has problems with her dad over this. Hannah has a history of being defensive instead of taking ownership, and she's working on it.

QUICK APOLOGY PAUSE!