We’ve all been there: a colleague doesn’t reply to your email, your boss doesn’t give feedback on a presentation, or a friend doesn’t text you back. And almost immediately, the stories begin: “They must not value me. I must have failed. Something’s wrong.”

But here’s the thing, those stories aren’t facts. They’re interpretations. They’re the “why” your brain creates to fill the silence. And most of the emotional turmoil we feel comes not from the situation itself, but from attaching meaning too quickly.

In this episode of Unlearning Work, Erin introduces a practice she calls playing detective. It’s a way to separate the evidence, the who, what, when, and where from the “why” that pulls us into emotional quicksand. By pausing to gather facts before writing the story, we can lower the emotional charge, make better decisions, and notice patterns about what really matters most to us.

You’ll leave with a framework you can use at work and in your personal life to reduce unnecessary stress, strengthen clarity, and choose where your emotional energy goes.

What it means to “play detective” and separate facts from meaning

How work situations like silence after a presentation, conflict in meetings, or unanswered emails—trigger emotional spirals

Why personal interactions—like a friend not replying or a partner’s muted reaction can feel bigger than they are

How to divide all your work (and even your week) into two columns: Facts vs. Why

The power of spotting patterns: noticing which types of “whys” you care most about, and which ones to let go

Fundamental Attribution Error — why we assume others’ actions are about us, not their own circumstances

Narrative Bias — the brain’s urge to fill uncertainty with stories, often negative ones

Cognitive Reappraisal — how reframing situations by listing facts first reduces emotional intensity

Negativity Bias — why silence or neutrality feels threatening

A manager assuming silence after a presentation meant failure when it was just timing

A professional spiraling over email delays that were caused by budgeting season, not disinterest

A friend not texting back for days, which triggered worry until the truth came out about a family emergency

Social media posts with fewer likes leading to self-doubt, when the real culprit was an algorithm change

Write the facts first: Who, what, when, where just the evidence.

Delay the why: Give yourself time before attaching meaning.

Generate alternatives: List at least three possible explanations.

Audit your week: Divide major events into facts vs. why and circle the whys that matter most.

Choose your energy: Decide which stories deserve attention and which ones you can let go.

Where this week did I jump to a “why” that wasn’t supported by evidence?

Which situations consistently trigger me and what do those patterns say about my values?

If I chose not to care about certain “whys,” how much lighter would my week feel?

Inside the Unlearning Work app, you’ll find the Detective Worksheet from this episode a simple two-column tool to help you separate facts from whys and spot your own patterns. You’ll also unlock the Work Style Quiz, which shows you how your natural work style influences which “whys” hit hardest and how to manage them.

👉 Download the Unlearning Work app today in the App Store or Google Play, grab the worksheet, and start your detective practice.

✨ Take the free Work Style Assessment to uncover your natural style and the hidden taxes you may be paying.

💬 Share your results! Tag @erinmerideth and @unlearningwork and use #UnlearningWork to connect with others lowering their emotional tax.

🔗 Download the Unlearning Work App to access quizzes, worksheets, and custom tools for each Work Style.

📥 Download the Unlearning Work App for worksheets, behavior tools, and habit tracking

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