The Audiobook Part II

A funny series of chapters, if you can get through the burning tears of heartbreak.

(Recorded January 2021)

*Trigger Warning*

Disclaimer: Sometimes, the truth hurts. Don't Kill Yourself.

-LEAKY SPOILER BELOW-

The Infinite Fandoms Are Watching Via Interdimensional Cable in Real-Time Live Action.

SONNY/ SKRILLEX

It wasn't me.

SUPACREE

Okay, Shaggy.

(What the fuck is that supposed to mean?)

((All the DJ's will get it.))

SUPACREE

So I guess this is not your sweater.

SONNY/ SKRILLEX

(Squints, guiltily lying.)

No….

SUPACREE

Oh, ffftt-- reat. I was only holding onto it because I thought it was yours, and actually gave a whole fuck about it. My mistake, fuck.

SONNY/SKRILLEX

...right.

SUPACREE

So you don't mind if I just... burn it, right--?

SONNY/SKRILLEX

You wouldn't do that…

SUPACREE

Um, I might--

SONNY/SKRILLEX

DON'T--

SUPACREE

Don't what? Light this--not your--but completely random--sweater on FIRE? What might that do?

[She flicks the bic.]

SONNY/SKRILLEX

STOP!

SUPACREE

Oh. Why Sonny?

(Woah, how are these two on a first name basis?)

(I told you he did it.)

CUT TO:

Jesus and his angels also really enjoy watching this show. Jesus has been on extended vacation for quite some time; He lounges carelessly, snacking on pizza in a cloudy, albeit, smoke-filled paradise. Two of his favorite Angels occasionally accompany him, carrying out tasks throughout the inner dimensions.

JESUS

Ohhhooo, Christ, I knew it.

ANGEL 1

He is fucked.

JESUS

He's been fucked, now he's just done for.

CUT BACK TO:

SUPACREE

Is this your sweater?

SONNY/SKRILLEX

(Guilty)

...it might be…

SUPACREE

I know it's your sweater, asshole!

SONNY/SKRILLEX

Ow! Okay! Fuck!

[The BODYGUARD steps in.]

CUT TO:

Most DJs have interdimensional cable, and take guilty pleasure in watching the series unfold, sometimes working themselves to manipulate circumstances in the favor of the desired outcome.

DILLON FRANCIS

Oh, this Is getting W E I R D.

ALLISON WONDERLAND

It was always weird, now it's getting good.

DEADMAU5

He is so fucked--

CUT BACK TO:

BODYGUARD

Hey,watch it!

SUPACREE

(To Bodyguard)

Watch It? You watch it motherfucker!

[The BODYGUARD steps back cautiously.]

SUPACREE (CONT'D)

My bodyguard will eat your bodyguard and--!!

BODYGUARD

Oh man….

FOUR TET

Is that really your sweater?

SONNY/SKRILLEX

...yeah…

CUT TO:

FANDOM

How did she get his sweater!?

CUT BACK TO:

FOURTET

Dude! How did she get your sweater?

ON INTERDIMENSIONAL TV:

How did she get his sweater?!!!

SONNY/SKRILLEX

I don't know…

(I know how)

SUPACREE

Yeah Sonny, how did I get your sweater??? How did I do that?

SONNY/SKRILLEX

I--don't know! You probably stole it from my house!

SUPACREE

I don't even know where your house is!

SONNY/SKRILLEX

Google knows where my house is!

SUPACREE

GOOGLE KNOWS WHERE EVERYONE'S HOUSE IS.

FAN

She has a point.

In the reality where it's a live-action, realtime gameshow:

{DING}

HOST

A POINT!

SONNY/SKRILLEX

WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH ME?

SUPACREE

OK, RIHANNA.

{DING}

HOST

ANOTHER POINT!

CUT TO:

ARMIN VAN BUREN is watching in literally every-possible infinite dimension, via a multitude of flatscreens, within his megaship.

ARMIN

Damn.

CUT BACK TO:

SONNY/SKRILLEX

Your references are outdated.

SUPACREE

Well so are you. Here.

[She tosses his sweater at him.]

DILLON FRANCIS

(Leaping up, distrubed)

What is she doing?!

DEADMAU5

(Sipping soda smugly through a straw.)

Woah, she loves that thing.

SONNY/SKRILLEX

What? I--I don't want it---keep it.

SUPACREE

I don't want it. Take it back.

SONNY/SKRILLEX

No!

SUPACREE

Okay!

[She flicks the Bic, Lighting the Sleeve On Fire]

SONNY/SKRILLEX.

Are you STUPID?

SUPACREE

No, worse; I'm SKRILLEX.

{DING}

HOST

THATS A POINT!

Well, That's III.

CUT TO:

ALICIA KEYS is a guest star on one of the infinite television shows in which this takes place; She reprises her classic song on stage in front of a live studio audience, as the events are projected on megascreens behind her.

ALICIA KEYS

This girl is on FIRE!!!

SUPACREE

So's that sweater, isn't that significant, or something?

SONNY/SKRILLEX

Oh, shit--yeah--Hey--

[Emptiness]

Then:

A Portal Opens.