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[2 | Dallas] Download or Read PDF

(I am seriously fucked. I need to get out of Dallas. How did I even end up here? I don’t really remember much of the past eight years or so. I cannot believe I actually finished college. How did that happen? Well, undergrad, I guess – I am flunking out of grad school—God forbid I get a C in yet another class unrelated to my field. I swear, if 90% of the classwork I did, was actually related to my major, I’d have a Nobel Prize by now. If I ever want to make a real contribution to the science world, I will have to quit drinking. ‘Is that really what you want?’ ‘I don’t know, really. I mean, yea, I want to, but I kinda just wanna get rich and drink myself to death too.’ ‘What do you think will be easier: obtaining a fortune or finding an original discovery in physics, a discovery profound enough to gain you a fortune?’ ‘Odds are pretty high for both.’ ‘We could revisit the stock market.’ ‘You know how addictive that is, and emotions always take play even if you try not to.’ ‘True, but this time we have a decade of advanced mathematics behind us. If we devise a formula and stick to it, it will work.’ ‘I don’t disagree, but one of your greatest powers is also your greatest weakness.’ ‘I know. I am too sensitive.’ ‘Yes. No matter how much you try to prevent yourself from feeling, you will feel and feel more than most can comprehend.’ ‘What else are we going to do? Get a job?’ ‘No. We can’t do that. Might as well just load the gun myself.’ ‘Well, we have to figure out how to get the bills covered. Financial aid is gone for fall, and we barely have enough for the summer. No other prospects panned out, so it’s either a job or play the market.’ ‘We could try a casino—no, the odds are not even remotely worth the gamble.’ ‘Alright, then. I suppose the stock market. I mean, what is the worst that could happen? We lose, and we are just back where we are now.’)

[2.1 | At the Pool]

James sits at his desk in his rickety folding chair. The kind one finds at a bingo hall. It is accompanied by the same foldout table they cover with cheap plastic cloth. He wasn’t one to waste funds on material possessions; instead, he saved it all for drinking. 

While sitting at his cheap desk, he became frustrated from reading an email sent by the financial aid office. (End of an era, I guess.) He closes out the email and deletes the history and cache, and slaps the laptop shut. He then pulls out his phone and deletes all apps related to his university and his synced email address. His actions are emotional and not thought through – but done – none the less. (Well, that’s that then.)

James takes a few minutes to look out the window in front of where he positioned his desk. He sees a clear blue sky, and the surroundings are filled with green grass and foliage. While he gazes into the beautiful weather, he thinks about the mistakes he has made in life. 

(Why is my life so fucked. I am not an idiot, so why can’t I make money. People always say ‘I spend too much’ and that ‘I should work and save – work and save – save-save-save.’ I don’t think that is the issue. I guess I just don’t make enough is all. I could spend countless days slaving away just to make money I’ll never spend, or I could use that energy to make large sums of money and be free from the shackles of wage. Kind of funny how people are brainwashed into devoting their lives to making money, money that they’ll never spend, and then shun others for not doing the same.)

James flips the computer back open and goes to his investment account on E*TRADE. He had opened it earlier that week in case he got the denial form from the financial aid office. While he waited, he devised a formula for the market. He only put a few hundred dollars in it to play out his formula but now is planning to transfer the last few thousand do