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20. Retroactive jealousy: the ghost in your relationship
Your partner's ex. The one you've never met but can't stop thinking about. That's the ghost in your relationship — and in this episode, we're talking about why someone who is no longer part of the story has more power over your peace of mind than the person sleeping next to you.
Today we focus on retroactive jealousy.
In this episode, I break down what retroactive jealousy actually is, why it takes hold so deeply, who keeps the ghost alive without realising it, and what you can do — practically, honestly — to stop it from running your relationship.
If you've ever stalked your partner's ex on social media, asked a question you didn't actually want the answer to, or felt your stomach drop at a name from their past — this episode was made for you. Press play.
CHAPTERS
- 00:00 Understanding retroactive jealousy — what it is, how it differs from reactive and possessive jealousy, and why we're only covering this type today. The others get their own episode.
- 03:11 The emotional impact of retroactive jealousy — what it actually feels like from the inside, the obsessive cycle of digging and spiralling, and how friends, family, and even your partner can keep the ghost alive without meaning to.
- 10:34 Identifying the root causes — low self-worth, anxious attachment, and the imagination problem that turns your partner's past into a film that's always worse than reality.
- 18:23 Strategies for managing retroactive jealousy — six practical steps, from stopping the detective work to building the relationship instead of investigating it.
- 19:33 Heart Work of the week — three questions to carry with you this week. The kind that change things if you sit with them honestly.
- 21:10 Conclusion — the past is where stories go when they're finished. Yours is still being written.
If this episode landed — or if you want to tell me which part hit hardest — send me a DM on Instagram @adelethecoach. I read every single one.🤎
I also write a weekly newsletter on Substack where I go deeper into the topics behind each episode — standalone articles you can read in two minutes with your morning coffee. https://substack.com/@unromanticisedlove
Don't let a ghost run your love life.
Ciao, Adele 🤎
View all episodes
By Adele The CoachYour partner's ex. The one you've never met but can't stop thinking about. That's the ghost in your relationship — and in this episode, we're talking about why someone who is no longer part of the story has more power over your peace of mind than the person sleeping next to you.
Today we focus on retroactive jealousy.
In this episode, I break down what retroactive jealousy actually is, why it takes hold so deeply, who keeps the ghost alive without realising it, and what you can do — practically, honestly — to stop it from running your relationship.
If you've ever stalked your partner's ex on social media, asked a question you didn't actually want the answer to, or felt your stomach drop at a name from their past — this episode was made for you. Press play.
CHAPTERS
- 00:00 Understanding retroactive jealousy — what it is, how it differs from reactive and possessive jealousy, and why we're only covering this type today. The others get their own episode.
- 03:11 The emotional impact of retroactive jealousy — what it actually feels like from the inside, the obsessive cycle of digging and spiralling, and how friends, family, and even your partner can keep the ghost alive without meaning to.
- 10:34 Identifying the root causes — low self-worth, anxious attachment, and the imagination problem that turns your partner's past into a film that's always worse than reality.
- 18:23 Strategies for managing retroactive jealousy — six practical steps, from stopping the detective work to building the relationship instead of investigating it.
- 19:33 Heart Work of the week — three questions to carry with you this week. The kind that change things if you sit with them honestly.
- 21:10 Conclusion — the past is where stories go when they're finished. Yours is still being written.
If this episode landed — or if you want to tell me which part hit hardest — send me a DM on Instagram @adelethecoach. I read every single one.🤎
I also write a weekly newsletter on Substack where I go deeper into the topics behind each episode — standalone articles you can read in two minutes with your morning coffee. https://substack.com/@unromanticisedlove
Don't let a ghost run your love life.
Ciao, Adele 🤎