I prepared the following letter to break up with Alan Schreier.  When I came home from church this night, he asked me to tell him what was bothering me.  The night before he had asked if I would count him in on a deal that not only did he put no work into, but his interference had almost blown it for me.  I told him most of the non religious reasons that appear in the following letter.  Upon advice from my mother, I now made the focus of my leaving him the religious aspects, so that he could save face and not try to “do better”.  I was much kinder in what I said, but all of these thoughts were expressed to some degree in the past two days.

 

Dear Alan Schreier

 

When we first met, I told you that I did not believe it was right to have sex outside of marriage, but I was so crazy about you that I compromised my belief and did what my body yearned to do with you.  I have always felt the burden of my sins in this relationship with you, but would brush those thoughts aside in favour of recalling how much joy you brought to my life.  I have been in constant turmoil since our first night together, but thought that perhaps, in time, we would marry and God would forgive me.   I prayed about it all the time.  Staying in this relationship was wrong, but I am weak and my heart overpowered my soul.  I couldn’t leave you while I was so in love with you.

 

Our relationship ended the day you came in complaining that Vince and Sheila had told Todd that you never accomplished anything on your own, but rather had relied on handouts from me, to get where you are.  I wanted to believe your anger was based upon the fact that they said that to your son, rather than to your face, so I asked, “Why do you think they said that?”  While I am still sure that you were upset that Todd heard it, your tirade about the issue was focused entirely on how they did not recognize the fact that you achieved your success entirely on your own.

 

You have never acknowledged what I have done for you and the hundreds of thousands of dollars that I have invested in getting you out of debt and on your feet.  You have never said that you appreciated that I put my own career on hold for nearly three years to get yours going.  Even when I have felt most put out in listening to you brag to others about all that you have achieved, I didn’t attempt to set the record straight, because I was sure, that on some level, you knew.   Your pride and your dignity have been more important to me than the need for me to remind you how you got to where you are.  When you asked me, for the third time tonight to give you a handout, I couldn’t make excuses for you any more.  My voice sounded distant, angry and shaking as I recounted just a few of the more costly sacrifices I have made for you.  I stopped short of mentioning most of the accounts because there is nothing to be gained in venting my frustration with you.

 

This is a lot more than just about money.  I fell in love with your looks and your sex appeal.  In retrospect, I think we just hadn’t been laid in a while when we met, because in just a few months our sex had gone from great to “hop on”, being the extent of your participation.  You have made a couple attempts to be more involved in the past few weeks, but it comes a bit late.  I couldn’t really ask you to put more effort into sex, when I knew it was wrong for me to be engaged in it anyway.  I let my body go, as bad as you did, but when I finally found something that worked, I cared enough to try and look my best.  You have made it clear that filling your stomach is more important to you that maintaining what attracted me to you.  It is never a good thing to fall in love with a person’s looks.  That is shallow and I knew better.

 

Initially I liked that we could talk, but I soon learned that I couldn’t tell you anything of any real importance because you would repeat it to anyone who would listen.  It is not that nothing ever happens in the course of my day, it is that