I turned my profile back on with Match.com

and am getting a lot of interesting responses.  I have been slow to answer and not able to get excited about the prospects because I love Peter Kent so much.  I want so much to believe in him.  I hate having lost the trust I had felt.  I am trying to not let Peter Kent see how he has hurt me and on the contrary have been trying to make him feel more loved and cared about in hopes that it will be enough for him.

 

1/16/02   Dear Peter Kent

 

Coming home, to my gorgeous lover, and finding him doing the dishes, was the sexiest thing I have ever seen.  That moment captured the romance of living with a partner who cares enough to do the mundane in an effort to make his woman's life just a little easier.  I was touched to my very soul and thought about it all day.  To come home and find you had gone further and washed all of the dishes, when I had not even been thoughtful enough to thank you earlier, left me near tears.  You are so good to me in so many ways.  You take such good care of me, physically, emotionally and spiritually.  I am truly blessed and love you deeply. - Love, Carole

 

From Peter A. Kent:

 

Carole, I relate exactly the same in all the things you do for me.  You may shed tears on my legs at any time, any place.  Our life is rather wonderful.  I am happy and we are just beginning.  We shall be together til death. - Pk

 

 

You are a great lady.

You may or may not be correct in this matter, I can easily say that you are much more on the correct side.  After you left this morning I dreamed a rotten dream about my son; about my conception of his feelings for me.  Knowing what you have been through in your life gives me the justification to take this interpretation and use it as you have.   You are such a lovely person to me, for me.   You are 100% there for me and I need to clean up my life with things that have value only, things like you.  I felt myself yell out in my dream when you were gone this morning (8:15); I woke up and smiled because you must have tiptoed around here to let me sleep.   Since my last acupuncture treatment, I have been saying that I need another for liver Qi rising.   That will cause bad dreams.  I love your tenderness for me and your strength of goodness in general.   I hate to keep retreating to that same safe place, but I like to make you shake and lie in you afterwards.  You, again, have helped me this morning.  You were such a comfort to have with me last night.  I wonder what I would feel like now without having had you with me last night.  I must be going through some changes because, I don't remember going through such dreaming since I was a child. - pk

 

From: [email protected]  To: [email protected] Sent: Thursday, January 17, 2002 7:47 AM

Subject: Listen to your heart

 

The sub conscious is a direct line to God.  Yours spoke to you last night and neither of us heard it.  You were upset after a day of dealing with Bud and contemplating selling your soul for an easy way out.  You woke up thinking about Jeff and how he had sold his soul for an easy way out.  You knew when you got involved with Jeff that he was not someone you could trust, but you did it anyway because you needed the money and the price of 2400.00 for just 6 days of work looked like a quick fix to your financial problems.  Jeff used you to get what he wanted.  You had hoped to use Jeff to get what you wanted, just like you hope to use Bud to get what you want.  Your sub conscious was linking the two situations, because they are very similar and, I believe, as a warning to you that you have already done this sort of thing and it didn't work out.  The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing hoping for a different outcome.

 

Take some time as you are working to define your vision.  Mine is to lead by example.  I run everything I do through that filter and if the choice I am contemplating does not align with my core value of leading by example, then I