You can call the shots anytime

Dear Peter Kent,  You can call the shots anytime.  I am always the beneficiary of your loving ways.  I agree that the prolonged glow was because we were in between sessions, but I feel that we are always in between sessions.  Loving you is a 24/7 experience for me.  No beginning and no end.  It permeates all of my life and that makes is so unique and so special.  I want to spend every moment with you and find it very hard to pull away and do the things we each have to do outside of our bond.

 

You asked today if we would feel different if we were married.  I know from loving Don for the 11 years prior to our marriage and the 11 years after, that I feel the same, in or out of marriage.  The only real difference for me is the legitimacy of my relationship before man and God.  I know that the life I live now is not acceptable before God and that I set a very bad example to all who know me by living with a man who is not my husband.  I don't know if God would approve our marriage, since we were married before and our divorces were not for the only scripturally approved reason of infidelity.  My husband was unfaithful, but I divorced him because I hated him, not for the "right" reasons.  I can only pray that should we choose that path, the Lord will be forgiving of our past mistakes and judge us on who we have become, not who we were.

 

I am not a member at the church I attend, because I live in a manner that is not acceptable.  I would not wish to bring shame on the others who are members by my lifestyle being cause for criticism.  I was asked, by a woman who has known me from child hood, to give my contact info for the church directory for the first time Sunday.  The directory is not a membership roll, but just a way that we can all contact each other and know each others birthdays.  I filled it in, but reminded her that my marital status precludes me from asking to be a member.  I thought that perhaps she had forgotten and was trying to give her a graceful way to not include my information.  No one there looks down on me, because they know me, but I choose to not publicly affiliate myself with them because others, looking on from outside, could well say that our church is full of hypocrites, because one of them lives with a man who is not her husband, and the others have accepted her into their membership.  Marriage doesn't cure the issue, but it is more acceptable than my current situation.

 

That became a very long explanation of something only on the fringe of the subject and that wasn't my intent.  What I want to know is how it would change your feelings.  You brought it up, but you didn't give me any indication of what marriage means to you and how you feel about the difference.  I would like to know your heart on the matter.  Tell me what you feel, though, and not what you think I want to hear.  I would hope that you always feel safe enough to do that.  Love, Carole

 

From Peter A. Kent:

 

Marriage is something I have had a bad attitude about all my life, until you.  I do not say that because I want to get married; I say that because I know what you are, what you believe and what your family is like.  I will marry you if you bring home someone else once each quarter, it has to be a female, sorry.  (that was a joke).  You are an incredible creature, in every way imaginable.  I have no problem wishing to be the best that I can for you and wanting to be with you always.  What do I feel about marriage?... I do not think that being married to you would change any thing about the way I feel about us and that is strange for me to say,  I have always thought that marriage was giving up my freedom but you are quite all I would ever want.   I honestly put it on for the feel of it at times, and, it does not feel bad.

 

You are the biggest person I have ever met; your heart and your incredible love for me are soooo filling.  I was thinking about you lying beside me as I watched the game for a