I Introduce Howie to Staff and Volunteers

 

Carole writes Howie At 12:31 PM 2/7/03 -0500:

 

Who could have known that beneath that serious facade would dwell such a romantic?!  Every time I think of you I take a deep breath and feel at peace.

 

Should I?  Shouldn't I? Should I...  what the heck.  From my journal this morning:

 

Last night I introduced Howie to the staff and volunteers at WOES during the Oldsmar Chamber of Commerce mixer.  On the way home, in the glow of this new revelation of our mutual feelings, the theme song from Love Story came on the radio.  Howie turned it up and we listened; each of us savouring the words and the moment in our own way.  The next song to play was the theme song

from The Titanic.  Howie's previous reference was to the movie in which a man gives up his life to keep the woman he loves alive after the sinking of the great ship.  The tension was broken by both of us recognizing the music and bursting into laughter when I said, "Of course!  The sinking ship song!  How appropriate!"

 

In considering his analogy, I know he would never let me give him the last seat on a life boat, but I couldn't take it in his place either.  Even thinking of all the people and animals that depend on me, I couldn't save my own life and live it without him.  I wouldn't be of any use to anyone ever again if I were to have to face life without him.  I have never felt this way before.  Could it be that I actually

NEED someone?

 

Our lovemaking last night was with an even deeper understanding and connection to each other.  It seemed that time stood still in the rapture of our embrace.  When he wraps his arms around me I feel safe for the first time in my life.  I know that this gentle giant is emotionally incapable of hurting me because it would be so foreign to his nature.  His touch is so soothing, so healing and so empowering.  I just can't get enough of him.

 

Wave after wave of emotion coursed through our bodies.  I am overwhelmed with feeling that I have FINALLY found a good man.  A man I can look up to, a man I can be proud of, a man I can love without fear.  In that hypnotic way that he gazes straight into my soul, he broke the silent reverie of my thoughts with one sentence, "I love you, so very much!"

 

I breathed in his words.  I let the profound sincerity of his manner soak in through every pore.  I don't know if seconds passed, or moments or hours.  I had waited a lifetime, or more, to know the bliss of this moment.  The welling up of love for him spilled over in my own words, "I love you!  I love you SO much!" and was followed by heaving sobs of joy.  He held me while I cried and tried to comfort me, I suppose from not knowing the full reason behind my tears.  I explained that I was crying because I had never been so happy.  I have never known such joy.  I am so happy!  Thank you God!

 

Last night was his first night to stay over at the island.  I will be going to his place tonight and can't wait to feel his arms around me again.

 

Should I hit send or delete... If you are reading this, I am more exposed than I ever thought I would allow.  - Carole

 

Howie writes Carole 07 Feb 2003 14:07:27 -0500

 

Thank you for the bravery of hitting "send".

 

No, you don't "need" me, and if something happened to me, you would definitely survive like you have survived so much else.  But that does not in any way take away from the wonderment of what we are both experiencing.  I'm not as good at writing about it, and maybe not as brave at saying it, but I believe I share it equally.  What my diary said, a few weeks ago, is that for the first time in my life I feel a sense of purpose.  The happiness you have given me in the last few weeks seems to dwarf the happiness I have had in all my prior years.  And what is really exciting is that we are just on Chapter 1.  I hope it is a very long book. - Howie. 

 

Carole writes Howie At 07:48 AM 2/7/03:

 

This was my mother's response to the blossoming of our love.

 

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