Jamie and Daniel have broken up

 

It is Christmas day and it is raining.  It has been raining for days.  Jamie and Daniel have broken up and she is so sad.  My heart breaks for her.  Howie is wonderful and we are going to my parents home in a few minutes to exchange gifts.  Howie sent me this letter that he wrote to a volunteer and I was so impressed with it that I include it below as a testament to who he is:

 

Below is FYI, since Diane responded to you as well, so you know what she was responding to.  Obviously not for forwarding to anyone else. But the concepts may be of some use in reinforcing your points with Daniel/Scott.  It may not hurt to point out to them (I would do in person not email) that Diane is willing to accept your promise that their behavior will change, and you will be extremely upset if you hear it has not.  It might also be worth pointing that as a general rule sarcasm and humor that pokes fun are dangerous, can easily get out of hand, and are contagious.   The culture of an organization tends to reflect the behavior of the leader(s).  If the leaders talk about people behind their backs, gossip becomes the culture.  If they discourage people from doing it, the norm drifts more in that direction.  Even if Scott and Daniel use sarcasm or poke fun in a limited way that might not cross the line, others who pick up that behavior will not necessarily do so.  Just a few thoughts for ya.

 

Howie’s email to Diane

 

I would just like to offer a couple of additional thoughts if I may.  They may not appeal to you, and that is up to you, but please understand I offer them with good intent and from caring.  What you reported to Carole really pained us both and she has made a considerable effort to act on it.  Words said and actions done can never be taken back.  So the question becomes what does one do after being hurt by someone's words or actions.

 

It is hard to know what motivates human behavior.  Sadly, we are subject to so many forces including how we were treated growing up, etc.  And many things we associate with the behavior of children, like acting out to get attention or being mean to each other, we see in adults.  And the brilliant minds that have devoted themselves to the study of psychology have come up with diametrically opposed theories about this, leaving it pretty much a mystery.

 

And if I can continue to "wax philosophical" (perhaps motivated by the holiday season), if what motivates human behavior is a mystery, then how much more lost are we in figuring out the big question of why we are here at all.  Just like psychologists differ so in explaining human behavior, so many religions offer conflicting answers.

 

Personally, I think that in some way our "journey" here as a soul is to learn and grow, and perhaps when the occasion arises to help others grow.  I think that growth could be viewed in sort of a chart with a bar for each way in which we might grow, such as career, or in a talent we have.  And among those is how we treat other people.

 

In my own case, I have found change is possible.  And sometimes the lesson comes gradually, other times from a defining moment.  For instance, as a youngster I had a very bad temper.  I recall punching a hole in my bedroom wall.  I would get mad at myself for poor performance, like in tennis.  Then one day in junior high school I played against someone who made my temper look mild.  After all kinds of antics that I could see were turning off everyone watching, he so lost it that he threw his racket wildly and while not intending to throw it at me, it whistled by my head.  It was like Scrooge seeing himself.  Watching him, I realized what I looked like when I got mad and resolved to change my behavior.

 

About 15 years later I was a junior partner in a furniture business.  I had a horrible day solving problems created by the total stupidity of two of our truck drivers, who then returned very late and backed the delivery truck right into the front o