Your Wings Were Ready But My Heart Was Not

 

Susann Mesna, one of our explore.org webcam viewers captured this poignant moment as Jamie tried to hold on to Little Feather Bobcat as she slipped away from us.

 

Last night, I walked out of the hospital, and around behind the generator, so no one could hear me wail in grief.

 

A lot of cats have brought me to my knees with that sort of crying that just can’t be controlled.  I usually have to be so far from everyone that they don’t hear me, and felt fortunate that the generator was still bellowing away after losing Little Feather.  It was getting late and Jamie, who I suspect did her own version of screaming pain inside the hospital, as everyone had clearly been sent out, offered to let me drive her Camaro, Battle Cat, home.  She could ride with Justin.  I declined, knowing I’d cry all the way home, and thought I’d be less of a threat on my bike.

 

I managed a stiff upper lip with Howie, saying Little Feather had to be euthanized and then launching into the day’s conversations over the new ticketing software.  I cried myself to sleep once the lights were off.  If he didn’t know, he suspected my sadness and slept near me all night.  I’m thankful for a husband who knows how to show love without smothering me.

 

I was very thankful last night for the Ultrasound machine.  Dr. Justin kept poking Little Feather with needles trying to draw off the fluids that were drowning her, but couldn’t.  The Ultrasound helped him guide the needle into the pockets of fluid more effectively.  Jamie told me later, by text message, that she had 600 ML of bloody fluid in her chest, that her liver looked abnormal, as did her pancreas, and she had a mammary mass and one in her lung.  While it pains me to hear all of the issues our precious little bobcat was dealing with, it did help me to know that we did the right thing in ending her life.  I never want these cats to suffer any more than they already do by being held against their will.

 

Hi, I’m Carole Baskin and I’ve been writing my story since I was able to write, but when the media goes to share it, they only choose the parts that fit their idea of what will generate views.  If I'm going to share my story, it should be the whole story.  The titles are the dates things happened. If you have any interest in who I really am please start at the beginning of this playlist: http://savethecats.org/

 

I know there will be people who take things out of context and try to use them to validate their own misconception, but you have access to the whole story.  My hope is that others will recognize themselves in my words and have the strength to do what is right for themselves and our shared planet.  

 

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Music (if any) from Epidemic Sound (http://www.epidemicsound.com) This video is for entertainment purposes only and is my opinion.