The Premier League gets underway tonight - and we've decided to spare you ten months of watching it by telling you exactly what's going to happen. We preview the big winners, losers (Newcastle) and everything in between. Join us as we discuss just how boring Southampton are, sham striker Joe Linton and which three Leicester players are in Brendan's envelopes. Contains some strong language. Theme music - Dirt by Jahzzar, provided under CC-BY SA Creative Commons License creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/