James decided that if God has a dad he’s done with Christianity. This based on an email from a middle schooler.

This week’s clean comedy stories:

John was asked to be an extra in some USA Network show he can’t remember the title of. James confuses the Glif with a GILF. John’s son has his own version of the Boy Who Cried Wolf story. James’ daughter reads bad words off a local Vietnamese Cafe sign. John feels like a dancing monkey. James has roach juice in his eye and Jennifer didn’t buy him a Buzz Lightyear hoodie for Father’s Day. James shares the first time he heard the world crotch.

Listener stories:

Luke calls in a few stories about his dad. First Time Mommy creates her own bump in the night. Parker blames his Wizz Waffle on his older sister. The Puppy Dragon convinces James that God may have a dad. Caroline tells us about the Crazy Hat Lady. Noah accidentally sends more than his homework to his teacher via video.

Links mentioned:

* James is doing Voice Work for only $5 at fiverr.com

* Nobody’s Listening Facebook group – Join the community!

* Patreon.com – New rewards for $1 supporters. Dedication-only options for $5 and $10 per show.

Transcription (first 30 mins)

James: Hey, you know what? Father’s Day happened.

John: Oh man!

James: I was a father again.

John: Yeah?

James: this year.. yeah yeah.

John: Congratulations.

James: It’s my 9th year, I think I’m doing pretty good. I’m going for my Deca for next year.

John: Oooh.. That’s scary.

James: My Deca Father’s Day, where I will be decked I’m sure repeatedly. What did your family do…

John: Deca father [??]

James: …special to celebrate you, [click] cause my family [John’s Laughter] Did Jack Squat.

John: That’s kinda what happened for me too,

James: Yeah, Father’s Day..

John: I had a card and I got a little gift.

James: Father’s Day is aka bull-crap day. Because if you have a good father you take him for granted, and then all the rest of people with these crappy dads- they’re just moping all day. “I don’t have a happy dad,

John: yeah

James: “my life sucked and Father’s Day reminds me.” But Just know this, if your dad died, if you had a crappy abusive dad, the people that didn’t, and the ones you’re jealous of, they could care less about their dads at all.

John: [Laughter]

James: So, the most you can hope for were memories that you wouldn’t care less about. [Chuckles].

John: Hmm…

James: No, actually let me get serious for a minute and share something I shared on Facebook, because I love being a dad and, and if you didn’t know [John’s laughter] any better, you would think that I am like rosy-cheeked and happy, and everything is just honky-dory and my life’s been nothing but preparing me for being this awesome dad.

John: Yeah.

James: And John knows that that’s not necessarily the truth. So I wrote this cause I didn’t want to do what Hanna did one time and do one of those Jesus jukes, where you post an image, “just in case you forgot Father’s Day, that fathers are dead [John’s laughter] and other dads are beating their kids!” You know. [John’s laughter] I didn’t want to do like that.

John: [laughter] a Jesus juke.

James: Yeah, where you’re like just like “Father’s Day is a day to remember..