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#22: Mastering Communication in Marriage: The #1 Communication Mistake Men Make and How to Fix It

Synopsis:

Men, there’s one communication trap you’re falling into that’s pushing your wife away—and you might not even see it. Today, we’ll uncover this mistake and give you the tools to turn it around fast.

Point 1: Fixing Instead of Feeling

Here’s the mistake: when she talks, you jump to solutions like it’s a math problem. 

She says, “I’m stressed about work,” and you fire back, “Just quit” or “Talk to your boss.” She’s not asking for a fix—she’s asking you to feel with her, to sit in the mess for a minute. 

Studies show 80% of women want empathy first, not answers—because they need to know you’re on their team, not just fixing the scoreboard. 

Picture her venting about the kids’ tantrums—you say, “Put them in timeout,” and she sighs. Why? She wanted to hear was… “Wow, that sounds exhausting”. 

I had a client, John, who’d fix every complaint—until he tried this…. “That sounds rough—what’s the hardest part?” 

She didn’t just keep talking; she hugged him. Next time she opens up, don’t solve it—feel it. 

Ask her something simple, like “How’s that hitting you?” 

It’s not about coddling her; it’s about connecting before correcting. 

Try it this week—once—and see her eyes shift from frustration to relief.

Point 2: Why It Backfires

Fixing feels masculine—it’s what we do, right? You see a problem, you hammer it out. 

But to her, it lands like, “I don’t care how you feel, just stop complaining.” 

That’s not what you mean, but it’s what she hears—and it stings. 

Over time, she stops sharing because she thinks you don’t get it, or worse, don’t want to. 

I worked with a guy, Mark, whose wife clammed up after years of his “Here’s what you should do” routine. She wasn’t mad—she was lonely. 

One night, he stopped, listened, and said, “I hate that you’re carrying this.” She cried—not from sadness, but from finally feeling seen. 

Fixing shuts her down because it skips her heart and goes straight to her head. Think about the last time you offered a solution—did she pull back? That’s the backfire. 

This week, catch yourself mid-fix—bite your tongue and ask, “What’s that like for you?” It’s tough to pause the fixer in you, but it’s the difference between a wall and a bridge. You’re not less of a man for it—you’re more of a husband.

Point 3: The Fix for the Fixer

You don’t have to ditch your problem-solving superpower—just put it on a leash. 

Listen first, feel with her, then ask, “Do you want my take on this?” 

Nine times out of ten, she’ll say yes—on her terms, not yours bursting out like a reflex. 

It’s like handing her the reins instead of dragging her along. 

I had a client, Steve, who’d bulldoze his wife with advice—until he started waiting. 

One night, she vented about her mom, and he said, “That sounds heavy—want my thoughts?” She nodded, and they talked for an hour—no fight, just flow. 

Practice this once this week: hear her out, reflect what she feels—“You’re overwhelmed, huh?”—then offer help if she’s ready. It’s not about stifling you; it’s about timing. 

You’re still the guy who can solve it, but now you’re the guy she trusts to hear her first. Try it—watch how she leans in instead of pulling away. That’s the fix that actually works.

Wrap-Up & Call to Action:

Your step this week: catch yourself fixing and switch to listening—just once. 

Then, rate this podcast 5 stars and drop a review—let’s get this fix out to more men. Share it with a guy who needs to hear this too.

Final Thought: Listening isn’t losing—it’s leading with love.