Today I poured a long black (Alan poured a martini) and we got spicy about feedback: smile sheets, unsolicited opinions, and why being liked is overrated compared to being respected. Alan shares why he was often hired to discomfort audiences, how to stay buyer-centred (not audience-centred), and when to refund, repeat, or remix. We also riff on The Mom Test, critical mass marketing, and the difference between repeating your “Living on a Prayer” hits and still innovating.

What we cover

• Respect > like: why pleasing the buyer beats chasing tepid standing ovations
• “Feedback is for the sender”: spotting passive-aggressive advice and status plays
• Smile sheets: why two “9s” out of 200 don’t matter—and what to do if they do
• The buyer test: who actually pays and whose opinion counts (hint: not the event coordinator)
• Marketing before content: sell to critical mass, then build the thing
• When things go wrong: the one time Alan refunded—and how he turned a bad workshop into a huge Bank of America engagement
• Signature hits vs. novelty: give people the classics and add a fresh twist
• Being “uncoachable” vs. trusting yourself: why greats still use coaches to avoid breathing their own exhaust

Quotables

• “It’s more important to be respected than to be liked.” —Alan
• “Feedback I didn’t ask for is for the sender, not for me.” —Alan
• “I’m not here to convert; I’m here to delight the people who like what I do.” —Alan
• “Minimal success: a sincere thanks. Maximum success: ‘Don’t leave until we book you again.’” —Alan

Mentioned

• The Advice Trap — Michael Bungay Stanier (on why we love giving advice)
• The Mom Test — Rob Fitzpatrick (don’t validate ideas with compliments; validate with payment)
• Bon Jovi & Billy Joel (why fans want the classics—plus a fresh surprise)

Try this

• Before your next talk, list your buyer, their success metric, and your own min→max success range.
• After the talk, call the buyer for targeted feedback. Archive the smile sheets.
• Selling a new offer? Open a 12-hour window and ask for paid commitments first; build the content after you hit your number.

If you enjoyed this

Share this episode with a friend who’s drowning in feedback, or tag me with your biggest “unsolicited advice” story. And if you want Alan in Australia for the 80/20 Tour, tell me where we should host it!

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