MBT EN – Understanding Mentalization-Based Treatment

#24: MBT 1 on 1 Therapy > Between setting boundaries and losing each other


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🎙️ Special Episode – “Between Setting Boundaries and Losing Each Other”


Welcome to this special episode of the MBT podcast.

In this episode, you are once again given a unique insight into a one-on-one therapy session — a space where emotions, patterns, and relationships become visible as they unfold in everyday life.


What makes this session powerful is how clearly it shows what can happen when one person begins to change, while the relationship around them struggles to move along with that change.


Today, we listen to a conversation about tension, setting boundaries, old patterns, and the search for connection without losing yourself again.



🧠 What this episode explores


Old patterns returning


This session reveals how quickly old survival patterns can return under stress.


People-pleasing.

Avoiding conflict.

Continuously searching for understanding.


Even when someone has already made significant progress, emotionally unsafe situations can still reactivate old responses.



Setting boundaries without guilt


An important theme in this episode is learning to express needs and boundaries.


Not from anger or control,

but from calmness and self-care.


At the same time, this creates tension within relationships — especially when the other person is still used to the old dynamic.



Not feeling heard


A recurring feeling throughout this session is the experience of not truly being heard or understood.


When someone calmly tries to explain what they feel,

but the other person mainly reacts from frustration or blame, distance begins to grow.


And that distance touches deeper emotional wounds.



How change affects relationships


What this session strongly highlights

is that personal growth does not only change you —

it also changes the relationship with the people around you.


When someone stops adapting so much,

begins to slow down,

and starts listening more to themselves,

the dynamic with others automatically shifts as well.


And that can create confusion, resistance, and insecurity.



Allowing yourself to matter


One of the most powerful moments in this episode

is the realization that self-care is not selfish.


That your needs are allowed to exist.

That rest is allowed to matter.

And that you do not have to constantly perform in order to be valuable.


Slowly, a new feeling begins to emerge:


I am allowed to matter too.



🌟 The common thread


The central theme of this episode is the tension

between staying connected to others

and staying true to yourself.


The need to keep harmony

clashes with the need to stop crossing your own boundaries.


Mentalizing helps by creating space to pause instead of reacting immediately from emotion —

to reflect on what is truly happening

within yourself and within the other person.



💬 Closing


This episode shows how difficult change within relationships can be.


Not because people do not care about each other,

but because old patterns and new boundaries can collide in painful ways.


And sometimes, growth does not begin with fighting harder to be understood,

but with allowing yourself to feel:


“My feelings are allowed to exist too.”

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MBT EN – Understanding Mentalization-Based TreatmentBy Jasper Manders