In the midst of a crisis, words can be powerful. They can uplift and support, or they can unintentionally wound. After experiencing a medical emergency with my husband, Mark, I've come to appreciate the importance of words. People often want to help but can end up saying the wrong thing, leaving the person in crisis feeling more stressed and alone. Today, I want to share some things you should avoid saying to someone in a crisis based on my own experiences, because sometimes the most supportive thing is knowing what not to say.

Chapters:

1. 00:00 Introduction and Personal Story
2. 00:37 Welcome to Aging and Style
3. 01:08 Stroke Awareness Month
4. 01:58 Things Not to Say During a Crisis
5. 07:43 Caregiver Challenges and Self-Care
6. 11:09 Conclusion and Resources

Misguided Attempts and Multilevel Marketing

As Mark battled his strokes, I encountered a statement that still baffles me: “My heart hurts for Mark that you're using traditional medicine. You should use my supplements.” This suggestion overlooked the gravity of four strokes that my husband faced and minimized the urgency of his situation.

Multi-level marketing pitches, regardless of the product, aren't helpful in serious medical scenarios. Replace recommendations with empathetic support – that's far more valuable.

Business as Usual?

During one of our toughest times, someone remarked, “I guess you’re out of business now,” on merely the third day of our crisis. As an entrepreneur, my business not only supports us financially but also provides the insurance covering Mark’s medical bills. The presumption of failure was not only premature but demoralizing. Instead, show understanding and respect for the balancing act of those who own a business while handling personal emergencies.

Aging Under Stress

Another unexpected comment landed like a punch: “This has all really aged you.” During a period of immense stress, highlighting someone’s appearance isn’t going to help. While I may have looked tired and worn, it was because I was focusing my energies on survival -- both my husband's and my own. In our youth-obsessed culture, expressing anything about someone’s age or appearance during a crisis shows insensitivity. Let’s choose compassion over unnecessary critiques.

Competing Compassion

Then, a perplexing offer came amidst the chaos – “I have exciting news since you’re so busy with Mark. I’m starting a business just like yours in the same town.” In moments where I was trying to maintain my business while caring for Mark, such competition was not comforting. Rather than staking claim on someone’s livelihood, try asking how you can help shoulder their burden.

The Caregiver's Dilemma

Lastly, it’s not uncommon to hear, “You need to take care of yourself.” Although well-intentioned, this advice can overlook the challenging logistics of caregiving. As many caregivers know, self-care appointments often fall by the wayside because the person we care for frequently needs immediate attention. Remember, offering practical help is often more appreciated than general advice.

Reflecting on these experiences, I urge everyone to be mindful of their words during crises. Sometimes, the simplest acts of listening and genuinely asking, “How can I help?” can make all the difference. Let’s aim to be the comfort, not the critique. For more insights on navigating life’s challenges, visit my website, Lori Williams Senior Services, and share these lessons with friends and family. Together, we can cultivate a more understanding and supportive community.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Get my new book, 'Surrounded by Love: One's Family Journey Through Stroke Recovery': https://loriwilliams-seniorservices.com/book

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212. 10 Tips for Caregivers: Navigating Recovery with Hope and Realism

https://www.loriwilliams-seniorservices.com/aging-in-style-podcast/episode/241d493e/212-10-tips-for-caregivers-navigating-recovery-with-hope-and-realism

147. The silent struggle of caregivers and tips to best support them

https://www.loriwilliams-seniorservices.com/aging-in-style-podcast/episode/3305a7b8/147-the-silent-struggle-of-caregivers-and-tips-to-best-support-them

Mentioned in this episode:

Surrounded by Love

You can find my book, "Surrounded by Love: One Family’s Journey Through Stroke Recovery," on Amazon. It is available as a Kindle, hardcover, paperback, and also on Audible. More details can be found on my website:

https://loriwilliams-seniorservices.com/book