In DOLLY, a couple's romantic hike turns into a nightmare when they stumble across a mysterious hulking figure, dressed as a doll: dress, corn-yellow wig, and cracked porcelain mask.

You've seen horror movies. Weirdos in the woods rarely bring good news.

The woman, Macy (Fabianne Therese), is kidnapped by the gargantuan doll and brought to their house to live as the newest plaything. How will Macy escape? That's the flick.

And it's at this point that I find myself wanting to stretch DOLLY into one of a few directions, kinda like how FRIDAY THE 13TH improved on its initial concept of "masked campground killer."

Do we go into Dolly's psychology? Unlike Jason, there is internal conflict, gesticulated passionately in Max the Impaler's performance. Tender, though clumsy, maternal instincts clash with bratty, violent tantrums. Dolly seems to want to compensate for a love or stability they've clearly lacked in their own lives. I don't need a CHAINSAW MASSACRE kind of prequel, but I find myself drawn to this back-and-forth, wish to put Dolly in more situations to understand where they'd like to be as opposed to where they mentally are.

We could also go for grimy gonzo. Director Rod Blackhurst wastes no time in treating body parts as a child would their macabre plastic graveyard of toys (My mind reverts to my son's decapitated board of Hungry Hungry hippos.) It's not just the gore, either. Blackhurst relishes in the disgust inherent within the dirtiest dollhouse on Earth. Just saying, there's a pacifier lying around that has to have the entire Hepatitis alphabet crawling all over it.

The last direction we could borrow from Jason Voorhees? Unabashed silliness. DOLLY could uppercut a dude's head clean off and I wouldn't bat an eye. Some of this humor seems self-aware, poking a cheeky finger into the face of horror tropes. I wouldn't mind if DOLLY 2 further followed Tobe Hooper's example and eschewed its attempt at existential terror in favor of goofball parody.

However, as it stands, the mixture leaves me unsatisfied. The movie's too bare-bones to flesh out its best character or relish in the nastiness. Macy simply makes the kind of decisions serving only to stretch out the runtime instead of providing an audience facsimile to root for. And by the sixth time Macy gains an upper hand only to allow Dolly the chance to get up and chase her again, I've rolled my eyes to the extent of twisting off their stalks.

I don't endorse this movie. I endorse its potential. What's the saying? "Go write your first novel. When it's done, bury it in the backyard. Then, walk back inside and start work on your first novel."

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DOLLY is now available to watch, buy or rent via video on demand.

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