Soundcloud distribution, virtual record crates and MIDI watches are high on the agenda this episode. Elsewhere, A4P goes IRL, as we turn a slow news fortnight into an unremitting philosophical enquiry into the troubles of the human soul.

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If you're still reading this, please send help. I'm trapped in the body of a music producer, and I have very little financial independence. I have no idea what an Ableton is, but I think it's some kind of hammer.