Be You Not Them

#26 - Crying Is Not A Sign Of Weakness


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IT'S OK TO BE VULNERABLE. Anyone else struggle with crying or feeling guilty whenever you need to cry? Especially when you cry in front of others? Yeah, we can relate. This episode is all about CRYING and how tears do not mean we are weak. It's been ingrained in most of us that we need to "suck it up" or "big girls/boys don't cry." It's foolishness! Let's break this down and talk about becoming more comfortable with our tears.

[3:13] Why Does Crying Have A Bad Rep? We discuss the main reasons why we are so uncomfortable with crying. From being afraid to be labelled as "too emotional" when you're a woman to the taboo of crying in public… and many other reasons.

[7:51] Assigning Genders To Traits and Emotions. We share another passage from our new favorite book, "Untamed" by Glennon Doyle. How strength and bravery are associated with 'masculinity' and sensitivity is associated with 'femininity'.

[10:31] The Lies We're Told About Crying That Stick With Us. We're breaking down the reasons that negatively impact our perception of crying and why it's total BS.

  • [10:35] Our Upbringing. Getting told to "suck it up" or that "big boys don't cry." Putting a time limit on how long we can be upset about something. We start associating the act of crying as something to be ashamed of.

  • We talk about growing up in a Latin culture, which is patriarchal and goes back to crying being seen as 'too feminine' or 'weak'

  • [14:15] Socially. We're worried about what other people think and we don't want to be shamed. Society shows us what is acceptable through the media and how others react to us. Vulnerability makes us scared.

  • [16:30] Crying Is Unprofessional. Let's face it, a lot of work culture still prevails from back in the day where most office jobs were occupied by men… and while that has shifted significantly, the culture hasn't as much.
    • Nina shares her experience in the construction field.
    • Natassia shares a moment where a female executive at her company cried in a meeting and she thought it was beautiful.

[20:10] Crying Does Not Always = Sadness. We can cry happy tears. Any angry criers out there? Join our Angry Crier Club.

[21:43] Flip the Script. Why Is Crying and Sensitivity Good? Let's reframe the way we think about crying and look at it from a different perspective.

  • [21:50] It Is Good For Your Health. Shedding emotional tears releases oxytocin and endorphins.
  • [23:33] "The Orchid Theory." We share a passage from The Confidence Code. The most sensitive children, dubbed "orchids", are tricky to raise but are able to excel more than others.
  • [25:45] Feeling Too Much Is A Blessing. Natassia shares her experience of not being able to feel at all when she was depressed… and that's why she appreciates ALL of her emotions, including sadness.
  • [29:25] We Need Sadness In Our Lives. Our recommendation is to watch Pixar's "Inside Out" to understand how important all of our emotions are. Especially sadness. You don't always have to be happy. Cry. It. Out.

Can we start normalizing crying? And not having to be happy all the time? Let's work on that together!

Resources:

  • "Untamed" by Glennon Doyle
  • "The Confidence Code" by Claire Shipman and Katty Kay
  • "Inside Out" - movie by Pixar

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Don't be ashamed of your tears!

Baklava,

Nat & Nina

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Be You Not ThemBy Natassia Coelho and Nina Jean-Louis

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