Welcome to the show, everyone! Today, we're diving into a fascinating new approach to understanding why we get stuck in repetitive patterns and how we can finally break free. Our guide for this journey is the book "Your Coping Skills Aren't Working" by Richard Brouillette.

Have you ever felt like you're constantly sabotaging your own progress, no matter how hard you try? This book starts with the premise that the very coping mechanisms we developed to protect ourselves may now be holding us back. It introduces us to the powerful world of **schema therapy**, a way of understanding our deep-seated beliefs, or **schemas**, and the patterns of behavior we develop in response to them, called **modes**.

Think of schemas as those underlying beliefs about yourself, others, and the world that often stem from unmet emotional needs in childhood. The book emphasizes exploring your **"origin story"** – how your core emotional needs for things like safety, love, and autonomy were met or unmet growing up. This early history plays a crucial role in shaping our schemas and the ways we cope.

We'll learn about the **"inner child"** – that part of us that still feels the emotions and experiences from our younger years. Understanding and connecting with this inner child is presented as a key step in healing.

The book then delves into **modes**, which are like different characters or "parts" within us that become active depending on our triggers and schemas. These can include vulnerable child modes, angry child modes, but also various "coping modes" like the detached protector, the self-soother, or even the inner critic. Recognizing these different modes and the roles they play in our lives is a game-changer.

But it's not just about understanding the problem. The book introduces the concept of the **"healthy caring adult" mode** – that wise, compassionate part of us that can learn to manage and nurture our other modes. It provides practical tools and techniques to cultivate this healthy adult perspective.

We'll explore methods like **mode dialogues**, where we learn to communicate with our different modes, understanding their origins and intentions while setting healthy boundaries. **Imagery work** and **journaling** are also highlighted as powerful ways to connect with our emotions and gain self-insight. The book even suggests using **flashcards** as quick reminders of the healthy messages we want to give ourselves in triggering moments.

Mindfulness is presented as an essential tool for becoming more aware of our triggers and managing our modes in the present moment. Ultimately, the book advocates for building an **"ecosystem of growth"** – a network of supportive habits and self-awareness that fosters lasting positive change.

The core message seems to be one of self-compassion. Instead of trying to get rid of parts of ourselves we don't like, the book encourages us to understand their origins, make peace with them, and learn to respond to ourselves and others in healthier, more fulfilling ways. So, if you're ready to stop battling yourself and start understanding the deeper roots of your struggles, this book offers a promising and practical path forward.

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