#27 - Losing Yourself In Relationships

Remember that friend who would disappear from the face of the earth when she entered in a new relationship? We have all had that friend or even was that friend (Nina is guilty as charged). This episode is all about how we can lose our identity in relationships, whether it be friendships, romantic or even with work. Each of us has a unique light that makes us who we are; however, sometimes we enter relationships that dim that light. We are here to drop some truth bombs, identify red flags and remind you to SHINE BRIGHT, no matter what relationship you are in.

[2:09] "You Complete Me". Oh boy, our absolute favorite phrase...NOT. We vent about how much we dislike this phrase and the confusion it brings forth.

[6:45] The Red Flags. We dive into some of the signs that you may be losing yourself in a relationships, some of these include the following:

• [7:01] Same hobbies and dislikes. We don't mean that having a sharing interest is not ok...this becomes an issue when your life completely mirrors your friend, colleague or significant other.
• [10:23] You're losing touch with yourself . Each of us has a light that makes us unique whether it is a personality trait or quirk. When this light dims, this is NO BUENO.
• [13:45] Same friend circle. This may happen when you lose connection with long standing friends such that you intentionally surround yourself with the friends of your significant other.
• [16:50] Sacrificing our own desires and goals. We don't mean compromise here. We are talking about how your world, your future plans and dreams all go to the wayside for the person you are with.
• [20:40] Codependency. We clarify here that dependency is not the same as co-dependence and how codependency is often where we get our justification and validation as a person.
• [24:14] Inability of self-care. Ask yourself, when was the last time you had some time to yourself? or had a girls night? This not only applies in romantic relationships but also friendships and family.

[28:57] Takeaways. We offer some tips on reconnecting with yourself when you may be feeling like you are losing yourself a bit in a friendship, relationship or work:

• [29:34] Ask, what are you doing for yourself? Check-in with your energy levels and how you are recharging yourself to bring your best self forward. Do something for you!
• [30:43] Boundaries. We go in depth about setting up and implementing boundaries in Episode 23; however, in relationships, boundaries are extremely important as we encourage our listeners to not be afraid to ask what you need or express something you may disagree with.
• [35:04] Traveling Solo. Have you ever taken a trip by yourself whether it be the next town over or out of state? Nina shares how this has been a game-changer for her.
• [40:30] Engaging in your own hobbies. Find something that ignites YOUR PASSION. This can be as simple as reading a good book or taking up a new little adventure. Oftentimes, when we engage in something we love to do, we get recharged and free of mental blocks.
• [43:57] Self-development & Self-Awareness. Sometimes this comes after we experience losing ourselves but that is OK! These are lessons learned that help us become the best version of ourselves in maintaining our identity. We also stress the importance of healing from previous friendships, relationships and work situations that may have negatively impacted your life.

Resources:

• "Boundaries", Episode 23

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Don't dull your shine!

Baklava,

Nat & Nina