THE STORY OF FORTRESS NATASSIA. Solosode time! We're bringing you a new episode format here at the BYNT podcast… because, let's be real, life has been hectic and your two besties have not been able to record together!

This episode, I want to tell you a story about Fortress Natassia. A fortress that I built myself, to protect myself from ever getting hurt. These so-called emotional walls that stuck with me for most of my 20s.

[1:25] Building My Fortress. I discuss the beginnings of my 'emotional walls' and the reason I started building Fortress Natassia. My fears of experiencing any of my triggers and being hurt. Deciding who could and could not enter - and how much they could even see behind the walls.

[4:10] No Man Shall Pass. Men were definitely not allowed behind the fortress walls. I discuss how these walls prevented me from having any sort of deep or serious relationship. Access to my deepest thoughts or secrets? NOPE.

[7:07] Fortifying The Walls. Anytime I allowed anyone further in and got burned, I fortified the walls of Fortress Natassia. Anyone who came afterwards would be impacted because it was harder to get in.

[8:25] The Destruction Of Fortress Natassia. The beginning of the end to the emotional walls. I talk about meeting Ben, my boyfriend, and how he helped me slowly bring down the walls.

• The sirens started RINGING as soon as I started to develop deeper feelings.
• Admitting to myself that this fortress wasn't doing me any favors.
• Realization that I just need to TRUST. Embrace the uncertainty and have faith.

[14:18] The Beauty In The Destruction. The positive side of tearing down emotional walls. Realizing how the fortress was impacting ALL of my relationships and making me cynical. I had built this facade to come off as this STRONG and that no one could take me down… when it was just armor because I was so scared of getting hurt.

[16:50] The Last Room Of The Fortress Standing... The whole reason that the fortress was built in the first place. My depression. I locked it away and hid it deep inside Fortress Natassia. The hardest part of the fortress to tear down.

• Letting go of the shame.
• Finally getting a chance to heal.

[22:00] The Problem With Emotional Walls. We're preventing ourselves from connecting with others when we have . "To be human is to also be in relationships, not just with others, but with yourself" - Angie Sanchez.

• You can't run away from pain.
• It's ok to feel pain and sadness and anger.
• You have to trust others, but we also have to trust ourselves. You will be able to overcome anything if you have faith in yourself.
• You cannot live life to its fullest if you're constantly shielding yourself from others.

I hope this story resonates with even just one person. If you've built your own Fortress, maybe this story can help you realize it's time to tear down those walls. It may take time, but you can persevere through anything.

You know where to reach us. Sending you a lot of love.

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Tear down those walls, because you don't need them!

Baklava,

Nat (and Nina in spirit)