How To Forgive

 

Pain comes in many forms.

You can forgive and still be hurt.

Forgive from afar. You’re capable of  forgiving and still not have that person near.  

 

1.) Switch The Focus from Blaming Others to Understanding Yourself

1. Step outside the situation
2. Don't take full responsibility either
3. Process what about the situation is upsetting you?

 

2.) Learn, Let Go & Be Like Water

1. It's bigger than what it looks like
2. Flow-through the situation
3. Be open to listening
4. Be slow to anger
5. Great response: "I never considered it that way before."

 

2A.) Let Go of Resentment

1. Resentment wears more on you
2. Letting go is the best form of freedom you can give to yourself
3. Finding compassion

 

Letting Go of The Story 

 Where I am today with my brother: 

1. We don’t speak
2. No desire to repair
3. I’ve felt the weight and resentment (this is the challenge)
4. There’s a little coldness and rage from within
5. I think of all the things he was supposed to be and fell short.

 

Pros 

1. He taught me to learn for myself
2. I grew stronger quicker
3. Think for myself
4. Be more independent
5. Thicker skin
6. Learned how to defended myself with my mouth  

 

3.) Take Responsibility for Your Part

1. It's easy to point to finger at others, but there's always room to take responsibility
2. See where you fit into the equation

 

4.) Be Kind Instead of Right

1. "If you're going to pursue revenge, you'd better dig two graves." - Chinese Proverb
2. "The ax forgets, but the tree remembers" - African Proverb
3. No one is wrong or right, it unfolds to "what do you want out of the situation?"

 

He was right in feeling what he wanted out of a brother and so was I. 

 

What I’m learning is that we both felt robbed of the experiences. 

 

Maybe people thought he was gay by proximity or saw him as lesser of a man. Plus with black men being placed on a higher pedestal of masculinity that would make sense.  

 

5.) Stop Looking for Occasions to Be Offended or Vent

1. Stop harping on moments to share the same story
2. That's relishing in the situation
3. Mariah Carey references to her family as her ex-sister, ex-brother, ex-mother, due to "Treating her as an ATM Machine with a wig on"

6.) Send Love

1. Forgiveness is for you
2. Give grace to you and the situation
3. The act of forgiving allows us to move forward without carrying the burden of unresolved issues.

 

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