“Comparison is an act of violence against the self.” Iyanla Vanzant.

In this episode, Marc and Tavarus dive into a rich dialogue made up of personal stories and testimonies of past success, painful defeat, and lessons they’ve learned from both.

Society and culture puts such high demands on us, from as far back as many of us can remember, to be the best, excel, and win - at all costs. This pressure can also come from our familial influences, and tends to follow us throughout our lives; whether internally or externally. It tends to be more prevalent among males, and even more among Black males (these are opinions, and not necessarily statistically supported).

What if the cost of winning is too high, or better yet, what if always winning is just not a reality?
Should we not strive for it? Is it wrong to think that losing is NOT an option?
Is it realistic to think that we’ll never lose?
What do we do, or how do we process the emotions that arise, not if, but when we lose?

Marc and Tavarus both have rich histories of successes in many areas of life; they are starkly different (Marc has experienced many successes in the academic, music, and creative arts field, and Tavarus has done so in the academic, sports, and business arena). However, they’ve also both felt the grief of being so close to a dream, a vision, a wish, the apex of their lives - to have it all disappear faster than it came to be.

The conversation explores such questions as:

•  What does 2nd place/almost even mean?
•  What 2nd place finishes do you recall in your life?
• What impact did they have on you (mentally, physically, emotionally, etc..)?
• Competitive, Compete, Compare
• What are the strengths/dangers of comparing oneself to another?
• What role has competition played in your life?

Some of the key takeaways were:

• 1st place comes at a high price; but not all are willing to pay it.
• Some people are simply “better” than you.
• The need to compare oneself to others is a necessary reality for many, but much more of a prison for many more.
• Being the best you can be is all that can be expected of you, by you and by others.
• Winning at the “right” cost always outweighs winning at “any” cost.
• 2nd place is a weakness for those who misunderstand it, but an incredible character builder for those who embrace it.

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