The bottom line of today’s message is this: Real heroes are humble and check their ego at the door. They ask for help.

 

By the way, I realize that many of you are at a point in your life where it’s embarrassing to ask for advice. You may be a CEO of a company, or just too old you think to ask for mentorship. That’s your ego talking to you.

 

That’s the thing you need to check at the door. 

 

When I’m 80, I hope I’m still wise enough to take mentorship from a teenager when it’s needed.

 

How do you know you need help? When the resistance kicks in and says you just can’t do it.

 

You’re just not smart enough.

 

You’re not agile enough.

 

You’re not strategic enough.

 

And the list goes on. There’s always going to be some sort of mental game that our brains play. 

 

But imagine if someone came up next to you and gave you just what you needed. They interrlocked their hands so that you can step rise up to climb the tree.

 

If you’re open and receptive to help, them mentors will show up to help hoist you up the tree.

 

It’s pretty simple actually. When you challenge yourself to push to a new level, you’re going to need a lot of help. 

 

Like I said, real heroes are humble and check their ego at the door. They ask for help.

 

I wish someone told me that when I was a younger. As a man growing up in the United States, we are taught to be and self-sufficient, strong, independent. Asking for help shows a sign of weakness. And only losers ask for help.

 

Real men survive on their own.

 

Man is that stupid advice.

 

I’ve learned now, however, that I don’t want to just survive. I want thrive. I want to grow. I want to do the extraordinary. And chances are you’re right there with me.

 

By the way, I give full credit to my wife for teaching me this lesson. When we first met, my wife and I went on a road trip and we got lost, but I didn't want to admit it. And I didn’t want to ask for help. Now I realize how stupid I was being and probably wasted a bunch of time.

 

With accepting that I need help to do the things I want to do in my life, I’ve learned that there are a couple of myths out there about mentors. And today, I’d like to dispel a few of those myths and provide a couple tips to attract the right mentors in your life.

 

If you like this topic, make sure you listen to episode 4 where I talk about the different type of mentors Virtual Mentors and In-Person Mentors.

 

 

Okay, it’s always a great idea to think about how you can help someone, but sometimes you just can’t. I’ve found that the majority of people, when you ask for help, they really want to help you. In fact, most take it as an honor. 

 

Keep your request as simple as possible, but be open, real, and honest about what you are trying to do. 

 

If you are in school, almost anyone will give you free advice or guidance because we all remember what it was like being broke in school. 

 

So, if you’re stuck right now at a point, ask someone for a bit of help. Seriously.

 

You don’t have to choose one mentor. In fact, I kind of think of The Mentor Tree as having many branches on it and each branch is a mentor. 

 

You can have many mentors and how much time they commit to you will vary for each situation. 

 

For me in the past, I often would ask one person to help mentor me and then have many conversations with people who I ask for small pieces of advice. 

 

The nice thing about having one mentor is that you develop a relationship with them, but I really enjoy thinking of my coffee chats as mentorship sessions. 

 

When I interview people for The Traveling Cup podcast, we talk for over an hour most times and these conversations are like mentorship sessions for me. 

 

Because I am helping them by providing a platform to share their message (great advertising), they agree to sit down for a one hour conversation. It’s a great win-win, but I always feel like I get more out of it. I owe so much to the people I’ve interviewed, especially since a number of them probably charge over one thousand an hour for consultations. 

 

3. But, What About Your Idea?

Trust me, I get it that by sharing what you are working on, someone may steal your idea. But, chances are they won’t.

 

They are too busy doing their own thing, nor do they have your unique ability to take that idea into creation. 

 

If you are afraid of someone stealing your idea, you could ask each person to sign a Non-Disclosure Agreement, but I’ve never heard of that working out well. 

 

Instead, think of it this way.

 

If your idea is really that good, then it needs to happen. And if the only way to have that happen is to be open with a mentor about it, then go with it.

 

By the way, my wife totally disagrees with me on this, so you can too.

 

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This was the first year where I specifically asked someone to be a mentor to me and we met once a week for several weeks in the Spring. His name is Tim McDonald and I owe him so much.

 

As the former Director of Community for The Huffington Post, he didn’t have to give me the time of day. But, he happily sat down with me several times to show me how he  builds community. 

 

He’s become a great friend of mine too and I’ll do anything to help him achieve his goals.

 

Just remember that your mentors could also be the books you read, the blogs you follow, or the podcasts you listen to. You can even read a great biography and learn vicariously through the life of someone who achieved greatness. That’s why I love biographies. Just this year I’ve read Walter Isaacson’s biography of Steve Jobs and the latest biography on Elon Musk. And, while I don’t plan on starting up a technology company, I learned a lot about what it takes to get to their level. And, by the way, both of these men have had a slew of mentors throughout their life. 

 

Steve Job’s mentor was a meditation teacher, for instance, who married Jobs and his wife. 

 

So, as you go throughout your day today, think about your mentors and consider how much more efficient you could be in achieving your goals if you learn through the experiences of others. If you don’t need to re-invent the wheel, don’t do it.