Mindful Mondays-#303 The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast

I Focus On What I Need

I stopped chasing after what was no longer good for me. I stopped looking for what I wanted and I began understanding what I NEEDED. Most people don’t know how to date, and this isn’t a slight…it’s a way of life. We look at what we are attracted to…such as I want a partner who makes good money or more money than me, I want a partner who is good looking and makes me feel passionate, I want a partner who is a certain height, I want a partner who can dance…and while all those things can be nice…they’re really wants rather than what you need.

When you don’t know what you need in a relationship then you can’t communicate it, and then you can’t find the right person because it’s always a gray area of what you need in your life.  You might need a person who communicates effectively with you. They hear you out and discuss things when they are upset. They listen to you when you’re upset and give you the support you need by asking how they make it better for you. You might need someone who admits their mistakes when they make them and challenges you on your mistakes when you make them. You might need someone who’s active in the relationship and always finding ways to make both of your lives better. Maybe it’s someone who makes you feel important and that they are thinking of you. They might do the small things that really let you know that you matter to them.

A friend of mine will always ask his partner how she’s doing. It’s an honest and vulnerable form of communication. And this isn’t a conversation that’s “hey hunny you need anything….no??? ok just let me know.” It’s a conversation that they’ve had at the beginning of the relationship saying I am here for you, and I want you to be here for me, so I’m going to consistently be looking on how I can fill in the gaps. And so he’ll ask what she needs from him that week and be willing to implement it immediately. He is constantly looking for feedback and is looking for ways to improve his support for her.

Now when you figure out what you need, that’s a great start…but don’t stop there. I believe most relationships struggle first off by not communicating affectively what both parties need…but it’s also about you becoming a better person. We state what we want and need in a relationship…and think we are the cat’s meow and that people should be doing the work because we are perfect. And whether that is the case or not…there still is always work for us to be doing on ourselves. We should always be proactive and be making choices to become better people than we were yesterday. Life happens, and we can just accept what happens to us…and say well it just isn’t my luck, or how do I always attract losers in my life, or it’s my partners fault…not mine. Which are all passive aggressive ways to go about life…it puts you as the victim and puts you in self-pity mode so you don’t have to change. It’s always someone else’s fault, or it’s always about blaming yourself…and in the end both those methods don’t create solutions or growth.

It’s about understanding that what you attract is what you have accepted in your life. So what story are you telling that’s keeping you from finding what you truly need in your life? Are you living a life of blame, a life of self-pity, a life of playing the victim? Are you telling the story that whatever you do never goes your way, or that there are no good guys or girls out there, or is it a story of being too tired to care anymore for good things to be a part of your life?

And when we tell stories like this, we are turning towards fear. So we not only focus upon fear, but we make choices based upon fear, and then we continually live in fear. We are afraid of making the wrong choice, we are afraid of not seeing the signs until it is too late, and we are afraid of putting our hope into something and being let down again.

There’s a saying, that you can either focus on fear or you can focus on love…and focusing on love is telling the better story, it’s about seeing the brighter path, and it’s about creating something more. It’s not a place of Pollyanna ideas and fluffy unicorns and fake rainbows…it’s about creating a whole new you, a whole new energy, and creating a different story…which will create a different life. It’s about putting the power back in your hands instead of telling the story of your powerlessness.

So how do you want to live? Do you want to live a life based on choices made out of fear? Or do you want to live your life based on choices made out of love for yourself and for other? And when you figure out what you truly need and communicating it, you can begin living more in love than in fear as you attract and accept only what you truly deserve into your life

Today’s Personal Commitment:
Write down what you need in a relationship, and begin communicating that with people. And then ask your partners to write their needs down and communicate it with you. When having a real, open, vulnerable and honest conversation about what you and the other person need; it’s not about settling, it’s about coming to a compromise on both parties on what you need and how you can come to an agreement on that. We live in a society of being right and getting what’s ours, but that’s a flawed premise…you can’t have it all…it’s not about being right or getting what you want…it’s about making things work. It’s about connecting authentically with people, the people you resonate and align with, because you decided to look deeper at what you needed, communicated it, asked them what they needed and truly listened, and you worked on yourself instead of expecting everyone else to be what you needed first.

I Focus On What I Need

 

 

Thanks for listening.  I'm sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together,
Personal Development Life Coach-
Chris O'Hearn

Contact info- email: [email protected]  phone:865-219-3247

 

 

Music by:
- Zest by basematic (c) copyright 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license.
- I Have Often Told You Stories (guitar instrumental) by Ivan Chew (c) copyright 2013 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license.
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