I made a full recovery from chronic depression.

Need to kick off with a couple important notes...

1: I put together a list of all of my resources and notes from my journey (including how to find a therapist): here

2: Nothing here is medical advice, a magic bullet, or a checklist. It is simply sharing pieces of my personal journey - because when I went through it the resources I found told me it was a lifelong disease and I'd never get better. I would rage, cry, and feel defeated all the f***ing time. I wish I'd had someone to prove to me that WASN'T. TRUE. So hi! I'm proof it's possible.

This week's episode was a doozy to record and edit - it's the most vulnerable I've been on the podcast so thanks for being here with me guys <3 Honestly, I have no idea if this is helpful for anyone else, and it felt important for my own art to get out of my system and out into the world.

I spent the first 27 years of my life struggling with chronic depression, emotional swings, sadness, and the inability to believe anything in my inner world was true or of value. The version of myself I am now daily - I only experienced in small spurts and was otherwise masking how low I felt. Around age 19, I started a journey that would take me to places I couldn't imagine and ultimately end up making a 100% recovery from chronic depression and suicidal ideation.

In this episode:

🌫️ Boarding School - masking, loneliness, suicidal ideation, and not being helped (aka the land of : too [fill-in-the-blank]. too sensitive, too dramatic, etc. F*CK THE TOO'S)

🧠 What helped (& didn’t) - school therapists, CBT, trauma therapy, multiple failed meds, and the turning point via an accidental hospitalization off a med

🌿 The shift into spirituality and imagination - energy work, ritual, finding meaning and believing myself for the first time, and very literally rebuilding my inner world through deep astral work with a witch

💖 Confronting why I was scared not to be depressed anymore (this was so hard to admit when I was in it, but I had no idea who I was without it)

🏡 Expression as healing - how creativity, storytelling, and building a life in color brought me home to myself

🌈 Life on the other side of chronic depression - what no one tells you about “after the healing” and learning to build and bond through joy, instead of just survive

In conclusion, IMO: in the head, in the heart, in the hands.

We heal, and find wholeness in our experience of life through: our words (head), through work with our soul (heart), and through expression (hands). When all of those are flowing together, life feels a little more manageable.

This episode was heavy for me to record and washed up a lot of old stories - I realized after even with an hour I left out what feels like hundreds of small micro shifts and moments. ANYWAYS. Love y'all.

❗If you're in immediate crisis or having active suicidal thoughts: Please please call or text 988 (US), or reach out to local crisis support. If phone calls feel scary, I HIGHLY rec the crisis text line as well. You can even use them just to vent! I used this several times. Text HOME to 741741 to reach a live volunteer Crisis Counselor.

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