We mustn't dwell -- no, not today. Not on this, the 24th annual observance of Rex Manning Day! Will AJ confess his love for Corey? Will Lucas get back the $9,000 he stole from the store? What will Mark name his band? Join Jenny and Caitlin in 1995, when no one knew the Run/Hide/Fight protocol for surviving an active shooter, and record store employees went straight for the fourth tactic, Sarcasm.

Your IIJJ hosts analyze the classic film Empire Records in the only way they know how: by discussing which character is most likely to tell you to read Infinite Jest.