The rate of technological advancement today is stunning. We can purchase an item across the world and receive it within a week. Movies and music are streamed instantaneously as cellular networks are built to bring ever faster Internet speeds to every corner of the country. We have no patience for waiting. Our pride demands near-instant gratification.

Perhaps our expeditious culture is impacting our prayer lives. We want everything now, yet God makes us wait. If Jesus says that even the sparrows are not forgotten by God (Luke 12:6), and Paul encourages the charitable Philippians that the Lord will meet their every need (Philippians 4:19), why do some prayers seemingly go unanswered? Proverbs 16:9 reveals that while we plan our lives, God directs our steps. If God directs our steps, and we are going through a challenging time, why is God allowing our suffering, despite our prayers for it to end? 

The story of Jacob physically wrestling God may help us better understand God’s heart for us. In Genesis chapter 32, Jacob is preparing to meet his brother, Esau, 20 years after stealing his birthright and their father’s blessing. Afraid of Esau’s response, Jacob cries out in prayer, splits up his family, and is left alone to–oddly–wrestle a man who ends up being God. It’s a peculiar story at first blush.

Alone, Jacob is left to worry despite following God’s command to return home (Genesis 31:13). This random guy shows up and wrestles Jacob all night. Now, imagine yourself being so distraught that your angry brother may imminently murder your entire family, and now you have to grapple for your own life with some man the night before your brother arrives. Would you claim to be too busy for this? Would you focus on the “more important” things coming up? Once this random guy realizes Jacob is not giving up, he throws Jacob’s hip out of the socket, yet Jacob persists. The guy tells Jacob to let go as the sun rises, but Jacob replies, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” (Genesis 32:26, ESV) Here, Jacob receives his new name, “Israel,” which literally means “He strives with God.”

This is the subtle beginning of God’s earlier promise to Abraham years after he had died. Jacob had many sons, and the multiplication of God’s people was about to begin. Two prayers are answered at once: Esau will greet Jacob with kindness, and Abraham’s messianic seed will survive and grow.

There’s a lot we can learn from this story. Our prayers can be our way of wrestling with God. Just as Jacob wrestled all night, are we so distraught with our situation that we are willing to spend all night pleading our case? As Jacob ignored tomorrow’s worry in the face of the current need, do we prioritize prayer in the face of our challenges or let the world’s worry distract us from our time with God? Are we willing to give up our body, our comfort, or our pride in the same way the once-strong Jacob is now permanently stricken with a limp? Wrestling is a confrontation. It’s hard. Similarly, honest prayer is making our case persistently before the Holy Judge to convey the depths of our faith in Him above our control. Casual prayer is a convenience to us. Earnest prayer is a sacrifice of time and control. Things move when we spend less time plotting and more time praying.

Jesus confirms as much. Luke 18 opens with the parable of the persistent widow. In it, Jesus appeals to reason by suggesting even a godless and unjust judge will hear and rectify a persistent woman’s pleas for justice; therefore, God the Father–who delights in us and desires justice for its own sake–will undoubtedly respond to our pleas. Persistence reveals faith, faith reveals humility, and humility is the key that unlocks God’s attention for us.

To continually ask for something we have yet to receive confirms our faith. Indeed, “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for.” (Hebrews 11:1-2, NIV) Jesus says we will receive whatever we ask in His name (John 14:13), but He doesn’t say we’ll receive it immediately. Deep-rooted faith is trusting God even while we wait…. Even when we don’t get what we want, how we want it.

Sometimes, an undelivered prayer galvanizes our faith more than one that is answered immediately. That is why our prayers, said in our way, don’t get answered how we want: He has something better if we trust Him. We must choose to continue believing, and the resulting strength in our faith may be better for the Kingdom of God and ourselves. 

We’re not alone in this struggle. God promised Abraham a great lineage but waited 25 years before giving Sara a son (Genesis 12:4, 21:5). Samuel’s mother, Hannah, prayed year by year for a son in 1 Samuel 1:7. The prophets, especially Jeremiah, mourn the loss of Jerusalem and pray for God’s anger to subside, while the Israelites were led away in slavery and exile. In John’s revelation, the martyrs cry out, “How long, Sovereign Lord, holy and true, until you judge the inhabitants of the earth and avenge our blood?” (Revelation 6:10, NIV) Many of God’s faithful servants had to wait to see the fulfillment of God’s promises–if they even lived to see it at all. Like the promised land of Canaan to Abraham, the Israelites would not enter it for another 430 years! Again, a saint of God goes to his grave with more hope than proof.

Without patience, our faith turns into a selfish expectation, exalting ourselves above Him by demanding His power at our will. While we pray to remove our hardships, God instead uses them to purify us like gold and silver (Malachi 3:3). Living with a pure, tested faith requires more humility than a life of excess. We must make the choice to trust that He knows best. 

What can we take away from the way God works? He works in all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28)--for all those who love him, not just the one going through the trial. He even works through pain and death. At Abraham’s death, his promised lineage was a singular man. However, that man, Isaac, would bring about the Savior. Martyrs have and will continue to die while exalting God so that others may come to know Him. And Jesus died so that we may be free from hell. 

Yes, I saved Jesus for last. In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus Himself asks the Father to spare Him from the cross, only to admit that His will is subservient to the Father’s (Luke 22:42). He prayed more for the strength and unity of believers than He did for His own life. Even the Son of God must face the hard truth that the best-answered prayer may sometimes be the most difficult. His was the perfect prayer.

We should all feel grateful that God answered that hard prayer, though not in the way Jesus requested. We should lean into faith more than outcomes. Can we be humble enough to thank God for not answering our prayers in all the ways we seek? While Jesus answers our prayers, perhaps we can answer the one He spoke for our unity and strength of faith. He’s waited 2,000 years for it, yet He still trusts it will happen—one day.

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