In this tender and reflective episode, I mark five years since the start of the pandemic—an unacknowledged threshold that continues to shape our inner and outer worlds. I explore the quiet griefs we’ve carried, the social and spiritual dissonance we’ve lived through, and the parts of ourselves we may have lost along the way. From personal shifts to global ruptures, from leaving the city that once held me to navigating transitions in work, identity, and joy—I reflect on what it means to live in the after when the before no longer exists.

We speak about nervous system overwhelm, the loneliness of disconnection, and the ache of living in contradiction under capitalism. There’s grief, yes, but also flickers of aliveness returning. I share thoughts on the power of ritual, on making space for what still matters, and on the possibility of choosing joy as an act of devotion, even amidst collapse.

This is an invitation to pause. To remember. To feel. To ask: Where were you five years ago—and who are you now?

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