This is my Paul’s Boutique. Kind of. Like, if Paul’s Boutique is this mosaic:

Then “Spread Love” is this one:

But hey, it flows. And I don’t have The Dust Brothers, Mixmaster Mike, or three creative, crazy, and musically adept Jewish boys from NYC. I got me. And a bunch of freeware.

(Please note, there is an odd cut at 11:25, not 10:14 as I indicate in the introduction. You might not even notice it. I think I did well with the cut and a moderately parallel topic shift.)

In this podcast, we use the following bit of awesomeness to transition between tracks, Spread Love (The 45 King Remix).

So what did we drink? Jen enjoyed a variation on my Ginetto, which is a variation on a gin and tonic. It had Bombay gin, Jack Rudy syrup,Fever Tree Bitter Lemon, Scrappy’s grapefruit bitters, and Gran Gala and Amaretto liquors. Greg, simply Maggie’s Farm spiced rum with a dash of Scrappy’s orange bitters and a splash of Maggie’s Farm house made Falernum.

So what did we discuss? 1. Accidentally punching yourself in the nuts. Bad news. Jen contemplates female equivalents of this infuriating and painful event in a man’s life. 2. Jen asks, “Do home thieves wear khakis and polos?” And we concluded that one should never tell a stranger precisely where one lives and that one’s dog is a horrible guardian. 3. We learn that the 45 of “Sexual Healing” that played so prominently in the Middle School Erections post has been unearthed. Should this be framed, or burned? 4. We close part one with a trip down memory lane, discussing Jim Varney and his role as Ernest in a surprising number of hackneyed, shticky, unwatchable movies…that Greg adored as a child.

“Seaman.” It’s a funny word. Our friend Damon is a seaman. Say that out loud. It’s funny. You might not like to admit it, but you know it’s true. You, too, can be a seaman.

We close this thing out with two minis. First, a “hair rant.” You see, getting a proper hipster do ain’t nearly as simple, or cheap, as the monthly shave-down. Finally, “Living that South Cackalacka Life,” recording in the car on the way to Edisto Island, SC. Michael Rapaport, this one’s for you. (Indeed, at the 28:35 mark, we make the car’s hands free say some stone cold truth.)

We present to you, “Spread Love.”

And we’re out.