The Smart Spin

# 39 Summary of The Courage to be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi

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In this episode, we are discussing about The Courage to be Disliked by lchiro Kishimi, philosopher argues that happiness stems from understanding that all problems are interpersonal, emphasizing the importance of teleology (purpose) over etiology (cause) in understanding behavior. The discussion covers concepts like self-acceptance, confidence in others, and contribution to others, ultimately advocating for the courage to be disliked as a path to freedom and genuine happiness. The core of Adlerian psychology, as presented, focuses on taking responsibility for one's present choices rather than being defined by the past and achieving a sense of community feeling. The dialogue uses relatable examples and philosophical anecdotes to illustrate these ideas.


Main Theme: Adlerian Psychology and its practical applications for personal growth and happiness.

Key Concepts:

  • Teleology: Adlerian psychology focuses on present goals rather than past causes. Individuals are not determined by their past but create their own lives based on the meaning they give to experiences.

    • "In Adlerian Psychology we do not think about past causes but rather about present goals."

    • People Can Change: Everyone, without exception, has the capacity to change and find happiness. Individuals choose their lifestyle, and therefore can choose to change it.

      • "Everyone wishes to change. No one is satisfied with who they are now." "Your life is not something that someone gives you, but something you choose yourself and you are the one who decides how you live."

      • All Problems are Interpersonal Relationship Problems: All difficulties in life stem from our relationships with others. This includes feelings of inferiority, the need for recognition, and the fear of being disliked.

        • "All problems are interpersonal relationship problems."

        • Separation of Tasks: Understanding what is within your control and what is not is crucial for healthy relationships. Focusing on your own tasks and letting go of the tasks of others allows for greater peace and freedom.

          • "Separating tasks is basically an idea that boils down to defining a boundary and saying I am I and you are you."

          • Community Feeling: Developing a sense of belonging and contribution to a wider community is essential for happiness. This involves seeing others as comrades, not enemies, and shifting from self-centeredness to concern for others.

            • "When you are able to truly feel that people are my comrades, your way of looking at the world will change utterly." "It is when one is able to feel 'I am beneficial to the community' that one can have a true sense of one's worth."

            • The Courage to be Disliked: True freedom comes from the courage to be oneself, even if it means being disliked by some. This requires separating tasks, understanding that seeking universal approval is impossible and ultimately futile, and focusing on contributing to the community.

              • "It is absolutely impossible to live all alone in the universe." "One neither prepares to be self-righteous nor becomes defiant, one just separates tasks."

              • Horizontal Relationships: Striving for equality in relationships, rather than placing oneself above or below others, is crucial for healthy interactions.

                • "Does one build vertical relationships or does one build horizontal relationships? This is an important point."

                • Self-Acceptance: Accepting oneself, flaws and all, is the foundation for personal growth. It means acknowledging what can be changed and having the courage to work on it, while letting go of what cannot be controlled.

                  • "It's not self-affirmation that we are concerned with but self-acceptance."

                  • Unconditional Confidence: Trusting others, even without guarantees, fosters healthy relationships and allows for growth.

                    • "Adlerian Psychology... is doing without any set conditions whatsoever when believing in others."

                    • The Meaning of Life: Life in itself has no inherent meaning. It is up to each individual to create meaning through their actions and interactions with the world.

                      • "Life in general has no meaning. Whatever meaning life has must be assigned to it by the individual."

                      Important Facts:

                      • The book is structured as a dialogue between a young man and a philosopher who specializes in Adlerian psychology.
                      • The philosopher uses real-life examples and anecdotes to illustrate Adlerian concepts.
                      • The authors draw connections between Adlerian psychology and Greek philosophy, particularly the ideas of Socrates.
                      • The book emphasizes the practical application of Adlerian principles in everyday life.

                        • Quotes:

                        • "The first step to change is knowing yourself."
                        • "A superiority complex arises from an inferiority complex."
                        • "The important thing is not what one is born with but what use one makes of that equipment."
                        • "Happiness is the feeling of contribution."
                        • "If I change, the world will change. No one else will change the world for me."

                          • Overall: "The Courage to be Disliked" offers a compelling and accessible introduction to Adlerian psychology. The book provides readers with tools and concepts to challenge their current worldview and empowers them to take control of their lives, build stronger relationships, and find greater happiness.


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