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4 Ways To Yell Less At Your Kids
We’ve all yelled at our kids. It’s inevitable. I call your bluff if you say you haven’t.
“I can’t help it. It just happens, especially when I’m exhausted at the end of the day.”
“I yell when I’m tired. I shout when I’m angry. I scream when I’m stressed. I know it’s not a good thing for them to always see me like this.”
“I feel so guilty afterwards.”
‘Less yelling’ versus ‘stop yelling’
I deliberately chose to name this blog post, “4 Ways To Yell Less At Your Kids” because I don’t think it’s actually possible to not yell at them.
While researching for this post, there were tons of blogs that provided tips on how to stop yelling at your kids.
Yeah, in a perfect world, parents would always be chill, in a good mood, and are mindful caregivers who provide utopian-like environments to nurture their children.
However, that sets a ridiculously high expectation for parents to meet, especially for struggling moms who are already trying to appear like they have it all together on social media.
“You’re telling me I can’t yell at my kid when he runs off in the mall, about to get trampled by hundreds of frantic holiday shoppers?”
Also, imagine growing up in a household where there was no yelling, no raised voices, no emotionally heightened situations. And you never witnessed your parents losing it, asking for forgiveness and forgiving themselves.
What does that teach a child?
Behaving perfectly is important in relationships. Emotional outbursts are unhealthy and unnatural.
Children need to learn how to express their feelings, to practice compassion for others and for themselves during difficult times and observing their parents demonstrate this is crucial in their emotional and social development.
However, it doesn’t mean we should all head to Costco, stocking up on throat lozenges and go all out with our vocal cords.
Studies have shown that shouting is an ineffective way to discipline children, can even damage their brains and can be just as harmful as hitting your kids.
But it really depends on the frequency and context of the yelling.
Last year, my mental and emotional health was at an all-time low because I trying to excel at everything, my full-time job, my mom duties, this blog, my marriage etc.
My perfectionism came back and every time I didn’t meet my own expectations, I got really upset with myself and took it out on the people close to me.
I would come home from work and complain and complain and complain. I was full of negative energy. I wasn’t myself.
One night, my daughter wouldn’t go to bed. She kept crying and screaming every time we tried to get her to sleep.
I yelled at her,
“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! You’re so annoying. I don’t need this right now! You’re stressing me out. Just go to sleep!”
She stared at me in fear with her red, puffy eyes, threw herself down on the floor, crying even louder, squirming, pounding her little legs on the ground.
Then, unable to hold my composure, I did the same. I threw myself on the ground; tears flooded my tired, sullen face as I curled up beside her like a little child.
I was ashamed. I felt guilty. She was confused. This was my breaking point.
It was during this moment when I realized I needed to take care of myself and came up with these ways to manage my frustrations so I don’t take it out on her.
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By Katharine ChanWe’ve all yelled at our kids. It’s inevitable. I call your bluff if you say you haven’t.
“I can’t help it. It just happens, especially when I’m exhausted at the end of the day.”
“I yell when I’m tired. I shout when I’m angry. I scream when I’m stressed. I know it’s not a good thing for them to always see me like this.”
“I feel so guilty afterwards.”
‘Less yelling’ versus ‘stop yelling’
I deliberately chose to name this blog post, “4 Ways To Yell Less At Your Kids” because I don’t think it’s actually possible to not yell at them.
While researching for this post, there were tons of blogs that provided tips on how to stop yelling at your kids.
Yeah, in a perfect world, parents would always be chill, in a good mood, and are mindful caregivers who provide utopian-like environments to nurture their children.
However, that sets a ridiculously high expectation for parents to meet, especially for struggling moms who are already trying to appear like they have it all together on social media.
“You’re telling me I can’t yell at my kid when he runs off in the mall, about to get trampled by hundreds of frantic holiday shoppers?”
Also, imagine growing up in a household where there was no yelling, no raised voices, no emotionally heightened situations. And you never witnessed your parents losing it, asking for forgiveness and forgiving themselves.
What does that teach a child?
Behaving perfectly is important in relationships. Emotional outbursts are unhealthy and unnatural.
Children need to learn how to express their feelings, to practice compassion for others and for themselves during difficult times and observing their parents demonstrate this is crucial in their emotional and social development.
However, it doesn’t mean we should all head to Costco, stocking up on throat lozenges and go all out with our vocal cords.
Studies have shown that shouting is an ineffective way to discipline children, can even damage their brains and can be just as harmful as hitting your kids.
But it really depends on the frequency and context of the yelling.
Last year, my mental and emotional health was at an all-time low because I trying to excel at everything, my full-time job, my mom duties, this blog, my marriage etc.
My perfectionism came back and every time I didn’t meet my own expectations, I got really upset with myself and took it out on the people close to me.
I would come home from work and complain and complain and complain. I was full of negative energy. I wasn’t myself.
One night, my daughter wouldn’t go to bed. She kept crying and screaming every time we tried to get her to sleep.
I yelled at her,
“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! You’re so annoying. I don’t need this right now! You’re stressing me out. Just go to sleep!”
She stared at me in fear with her red, puffy eyes, threw herself down on the floor, crying even louder, squirming, pounding her little legs on the ground.
Then, unable to hold my composure, I did the same. I threw myself on the ground; tears flooded my tired, sullen face as I curled up beside her like a little child.
I was ashamed. I felt guilty. She was confused. This was my breaking point.
It was during this moment when I realized I needed to take care of myself and came up with these ways to manage my frustrations so I don’t take it out on her.